Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My back is S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G! I can't stand, can't sit, can't lie down with any comfort. I have appointment with doc NEXT Tuesday. Have to get labs done between now and then.

Meant to do lots today - go to gym and walk, run by niece's office, got to post office, check on a Singer 99K sewing machine. Didn't get anything done...back is cramping me too much.

I made egg salad sandwiches for supper. We didn't have any chips, so I used Wheat Thins for chips, and opened a can of Pork and Beans. That was about all I could muster. After dinner and watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune (we record them), Ken went to the store to get eggs so I could make cookies. While he was gone I managed to clean up the kitchen. When he got back he got out the supplies for me to make chocolate chip cookies. I followed the Toll House recipe -- cookies are ok, but I prefer my other recipe. These have a bit too many chocolate chips in them. And, I spooned the dough onto the cookie sheets just like I do my other recipe, but the Toll House dough spread out way too thin and too big and all the cookies ran together. I had to cut between each one, so although they are good, some of them are oddly shaped.

Ken says we need grandchildren to share in the making of cookies and to share the cookies. We kiddingly talked about trying to find a young couple with children who need grandparents. That would be really nice. We've never truly had grandchildren in our lives -- even when our children came around from time to time. The grandchildren never really came and stayed with us or had much to do with us. It's really hard sometimes, but we finally realized we just were not wanted and there really wasn't any point in continuing to try to be a part of the lives of people who would rather we just drop out of sight. So, we removed ourselves from the situation; at least this way we are not subjected to some cruel behavior.

I remember being at one daughter's home for a granddaughter's birthday party. We went to say goodbye to the grandchildren and were told by all three of them to get out, that no one wanted us there, and that their mother hadn't wanted us to come. It hurt. And then another birthday party when it was made so obvious by a daughter that we were not wanted. If we were in the house, she went outside, if we were outside, she went in. At every occasion it became SO obvious that we were invited out of obligation, and NOT because we were wanted. I just decided enough was enough - parents have feelings, too, and I don't care to put myself in any situation where I am treated so obviously with hate. I still love them, still long to see them, miss them always, continue to pray for them, and wish things were different.

So, what else? Not much! Still job hunting! Ken spoke with someone again today. We had to do some tweaking on his resume late yesterday. That's been done and returned to the counselor. Hopefully we'll hear something soon. Money is VERY tight. I'm going to start working on the training to do substitute teaching in the FWISD. I don't want to, but I need to do something!

God bless, take care of yourselves. Dream happy dreams.

Here's a favorite: Brandi