Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thanksgiving weekend...we spent a very quiet thanksgiving at home, taking it easy, doing absolutely nothing, didn't even get dressed. when I bought groceries last Sunday I picked up some ham steaks and that's what we had for lunch (neither of us like turkey). Ken got to watch football and I got to sew - it was a great day. Didn't hear from any of the kids/grandkids, but that's not unusual.

If anyone had ever told me that the children I raised and loved and who were so loving growing up would turn out to be so cold, unforgiving, and inconsiderate, I wouldn't have believed it. But being alone on all holidays is not new. Since my two daughters left things have been this way. (My son is AF, so he doesn't live close.) If and when I ever got to see them it was only when for some reason they could not be with the other side of the family. Even when I was single I was left alone on all major holidays and spent the das crying and depressed. I refuse to do that any more. So Ken and I decided to enjoy the day and do our own thing.

Not too terribly long ago I told Ken that since I'm retiring the end of this year that I wanted to get myself a "foo foo" doggie - a little bitty toy dog - one I can dress up like a girl in pink collar, harness, dresses. I wasn't planning to get one until January, but we started looking. We fell in love with a teeny tiny 7.5 week old female Maltese and brought her home on November 12. Oh my gosh, it's like having a new real baby in the house! She doesn't sleep all night, and she's a live wire, faster than greased lightening, but smarter than all get out. She's all white with undertones of pink, with tan/lemon ears. Her face is tinted pinkish brown because of the overflow of tears which stain the face. Hopefully this will improve when the teething is complete.

She had her first visit with our vet a week or so ago - and believe it or not, Ken took her in her pink carrier with her pink blanket, etc. And she loves her Daddy - just like the other fur children in the house. And the other fur children are adjusting to her. She's been good for Bennie Joe (doxie) who will be 6 years old on December 17. She's actually got him up, running and playing. and that's a good thing - he needs the exercise. And she's catching on to potty training, too. She's helping to enforce training for Bennie. She knows exactly what outside means, and starts running in circles when she needs to go. Of course she's so little that she's still having accidents in the house so it's constant clean up duty. But she's also figuring out what a pee pad is for. We wish we didn't have to have one of those, but our old spaniel, Maggie, was trained by somebody to use one of them. We hate it and would much rather they let us know when they need to go outside. (Can't have a doggie door - we have cats, too.)

So, what else has been happening? Well, I'm so busy at work I don't have time to stop and clean out my crap so I can leave my employment! I've got hot jobs to do -- they've discovered they do not have someone to take my place or my co-harts place -- no one knows how to do what we do. We've been telling them for a very long time. After all, I'm 63, and my partner's about 81. The back ups that we had are leaving, too. I finally told the execs I would be willing to stay, but that I want to go thru the layoff process so I get the severance, want to officially retire, and then come back as consultant or part time. There's no way I want to continue the current employment. I'm tired, burned out, ready to go. My partners been there 56 years, and if I add up all my time I've been there 44 years. Time to go.

I went to a job fair -- dang, I don't want to get hired!! I'm looking for part time, easy work. I do not want project management and the headaches that go with it.

Let's see, I haven't really been doing any sewing the last few months - not since I went to a class where I was told everything I was doing was wrong. But earlier this year I made a Christmas quilt for my youngest daughter out of the Christmas bear fabric from the dress I made for back in 1990. I actually entered it into a show in August. I pulled out the judges remarks from that show and they weren't so bad - not nearly as haughty as the instructor I had! So, I got out the fabric from my oldest daughter's dress from that same year and am just about finished making a quilt top for her. It's really cute -- it's Irish chain pattern. I'm trying to get it completed today so that I can take it to work with me on Monday. The long-arm quilter lady that I use is located close to work. I want to get this one professionally quilted like I did the one for my youngest daughter. While that's being done I will work on the pillows to go with the quilt. I put a rod pocket on the back of the first one so that it can hang on the wall instead of being thrown on a chair or sofa. The youngest daughter has dogs and this is not meant to be a dog blanket. It's actually not even supposed to be washed as it is considered an "art" quilt. So, better to hang it.

Not sure yet I will even give these to the girls for Christmas. We don't have the funds to buy Christmas for kids/grandkids this year. All our "discretionary" funds go toward prescriptions now days. And, since I gave everybody homemade gifts last year, I think I would be embarassed to do that again this year. None of my children are the kind who particularly care for the "homemade" stuff - preferring new electronics/gadgets instead. I can't afford those so we probably just won't do gifts at all. I had several things in mind, but honestly, I just can't see doing all the work on things nobody wants.

What else is happening? Ken goes to court on Monday - we're not expecting the outcome to be too bad. He's been enrolled in a program with MHMR most of this year, is still under the close watch of a psychiatrist, is careful to take his medicine, but still tends to explode at a moment's notice. And he still gets "hung up" on things. And I notice that his memory is worse. Unfortunately, on top of everything else, his diabetes and that dang pump he wears are defeating him. Seems to be a never ending battle.

We went to "movie" night at the home of friends Jim and Terrie last night. The social group we belong to, After 5.0, got together with good food and wine to watch the Sordid Lives. I had never seen it before but it was funny. OMG, reminded me so dang much of my own redneck/hillbilly family!!! Perhaps our drama is not exactly the same, but it is exactly the way our family would carry on!!!

That's about it for now. I'm going to grab some lunch (left over ham?), and then get back to working on the quilt top. All I have left to do is press itand then sew on one more border. I have the cutest backing fabric to go on it -- cats and kitty Christmas fabric. Ken picked out the backing fabric over a year ago -- it reminds us of my daughter and all her beloved fur babies. Unfortunately she had to give them all up when she went thru an emotional/physical/financial downturn in life. So the fabric will be in memory of Batman, Thunder, Max, and Ginger.

So long 'til next time.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Yesterday was my Friday off. Had an appointment for a CT scan of my heart. This is the second appointment for this since my last appointment with the heart doc. I went for the first appointment but had a panic attack due to my claustrophobia. I took a pill this time before I went - I was determined to get thru it. Didn't happen. I panicked big time - the first time with just the technician and me in the room, and then he called my husband back and put the big heavy apron on him. I still couldn't do it. when the guy moved me toward the big donut I went beserk and clawed my way up and out of that thang!!! I grabbed my jacket and purse and ran. I don't know what I'm going to do - I just can't do it. and the sick thing? I've done them before!!! They've tried to put me in a MRI but I wasn't able to do that for dang sure.

Not much more to say -- I'm tired, stressed, worried, terrified we won't be able to make it financially when I retire. But there is no way I can work any longer...I am defeated by my physical health even though for the most part I feel good and want to do fun things!!!

Going shopping this weekend for granddaughter Chloe. Sweet beautiful Chloe will be 11 this month. I wish I were allowed to see her, but I'm not. But it doesn't keep me from loving her and wanting to see her!

So, til next time - live life to its fullest, stay safe, and be blessed by God.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Haven't been on here in a while! Lots has happened, but I guess nothing too important. My daughters still have absolutely NOTHING to do with me -- will not answer phone messages/text messages/emails. Other than that, life has continued and been busy.

Oldest grandson, Nathan, turned 8 on September 27. We drove to their house and handed off gift bag. DH had birthday on Oct. 20 - I surprised him with a cake at his monthly high school luncheon. Youngest daughter had birthday on November 4 -- I mailed her things. Son had a birthday on November 5 -- mailed his but he lives out of state so that would be the only way to get it there!

Work has been hard because I am trying to get tasks completed before leaving. My time at work has been extended -- last work day will be December 22; last official day on payroll will be December 25 (Merry Christmas!). Retirement officially begins on January 1, 2012. This is three years longer than I intended to work full time. Trying to get ready for the big official day has been brain draining. Guess wouldn't be so tough if didn't care so much. I am going to miss my job and the wonderful people I work with...although most of us who have worked together for so long are leaving at the same time!

Trying to figure out the maze to get retirement papers filed, choose after-retirement insurance, etc., is a job to itself! Ours is a little crazy since I'm not 65, and since DH is not either -- but he's on Medicare due to disability so trying to figure out supplemental insurance and pharmacy coverage for him plus weigh all the differences in plans, etc., has been an eye opening education!!!

Not sure how long I'm going to be happy staying at home. I've always liked my job. and I've worked all my life...I'm pretty sure I'm going to be bored by the end of six months!

I've been attending the outplacement workshops (since I accepted voluntary layoff, I'm allowed to use the resources). Wow, what a difference is expected in resume writing now days!! But, as one who has interviewed potential employers over the years, if someone handed me one of the modern resumes to review, I would reject it automatically. It's too crowded, way too much information on the page, looks like a technical document -- and heaven knows I've read plenty of them...but not all the way thru before my eyelids started slamming shut!!!

I've continued to practice some cooking skills. Have learned that I can make cookies -- have no idea why I was so afraid of it. Yesterday I made one of Barefoot Contessa's recipes -- Seafood Chowder. We invited our friends Bill and Joan over to experience it (Joan's a real cook -- works with the cooking classes at Central Market; and Bill's the mayor of a nearby city; so inviting them was pretty daring on my part!). Joan and I decided there are THINGS that need to happen to make the chowder better. SO, if you look up the recipe, make these changes. Use more flour to make the roux - the 1.5 tbs wasn't enough. Also, use some Old Bay seasoning in it - otherwise it's a little lifeless. And use more pepper. And more Heavy Cream for sure!!! But the seafood itself was very good...would have been excellent in a seafood boil!

I'm searching for a little fluffy dog...I want something that's not going to get more than about 4-5 lbs in weight, something with fluffy/long hair that I can put bows in. Want a girl - one I can dress up. Yes, I've gone crazy in my old age. We already have a dachshund (6 years old) and a spaniel (about 12 years old), and two cats. All animals have to be able to travel with us because we plan to hit the road shortly after retirement and since we don't have any reason to come home unless we want to, we have to take them with us!!!

Anyway, I'm working from home today, just finished a HUGE project and sent it out for inputs/comments. I'm expecting it back Nov. 15, but right now I have brain drain.

My short break is over, so I have to get back to work. We have more family birthdays and the holidays coming up. I hope I get thru them this year without crying all the way thru them because of missing my adult children and grandchildren. we haven't decorated in several years since no one comes anyway. I'm thinking this year we'll change that and get on with life.

Ya'll take care!!

'Til next time!