Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Ugg! Been awake since 3:30 a.m.! I was so tired last night that I went to bed about 9:30, slept like a log until 3:30 and then NO SLEEP since. Been up working on crochet afghan for great niece Katie Jo. Hoping to finish that project within the next few days. Many more projects in the works so will be nice to get one finished.

Saturday

Yesterday was Saturday. We went with the local Volkswagen club (VolksFolks) on a short cruise. Met at the Sonic in far west Fort Worth then headed out to Weatherford to the High 51 exit (known as Main in Weatherford). We turned south and followed the highway to Granbury. There was some sort of Wine Walk/festival in Granbury so traffic was thick. We turned back on 377 toward Fort Worth and stopped at Niester's (German) for lunch. Both of us had the sausage plate -- a Bratwurst and another kind of sausage - I can't recall what it was - along with "fried" potatoes (barely) and I had baked beans (yuck). Ken had red cabbage. I paid dearly for eating this...my digestive system does not handle sausage at all.

Below are a few pictures of some of the VW's that went on the cruise yesterday. A pic of Ken's VW has been included in other posts. I am lusting after the 1979 red convertible! Actually, not. For the price of that one I could have a nice modern comfortable VW Beetle, red, with automatic transmission and air conditioning. Having driven VWs in the past (original ones), and having owned the modern version, I'll stick with the modern water cooled engine rather than the air cooled.

Isn't this a neat vehicle? This is owned by an older couple. They did not do the restoration - they bought it in this condition from a source in West Palm Beach, Florida and had it shipped to them in Weatherford, Texas. This is a 1979 model. I checked several online sites because of course I thought about owning one! Not going to happen -- these restored beauties sell for high prices. way beyond what my pocketbook!

This dune buggy is really neat. Original metal flaked paint job, but otherwise the vehicle is restored. The owners have owned it for at least 12 years but it has been in storage until recently because it took them that long to save the money to have the restoration done! This was their first cruise with it. The gentleman told me the pan is a 1969 VW, and that it is insured as a '69. Ken noticed there are snaps all the way around so we asked about a top. It is not done yet, but should be ready in a couple of weeks. I know the couple will be glad when it arrives so it can be used for road trips...the fellow sat next to me at lunch and told me he had been hit in the front of his head by pea size rock kick up while driving thru the construction area we encountered on the interstate heading to Weatherford.

It was great to see the gunsmoke gray "new" Beetle (2002) there - Ken's was the only other water cooled VW this time.

VW buses and campers bring back memories for Ken. His dad was a career Air Force officer and the family lived in several locations overseas. While in Germany the family had a VW camper bus and traveled all over Europe in it - 2 adults, 2 kids, one large Collie named Checkers. This is the vehicle the family had when they came back to the states - and the dad was reassigned to the Air Force office at General Dynamics. They drove into Texas in August of 1962 in their unairconditioned VW camper bus. They thought they had been reassigned to hell.

The blue convertible is owned by a young couple who came with their beautiful young daughter, Chloe. The red camper bus is VERY stock, it appears. I don't think anything has been done to it - certainly no cosmetic updates. It needs restoring. This was the lead vehicle on the short cruise and we were the second car. The bus could use a ring job. There was much smoke coming out the tail pipe. We also noted the left brake light is out. We also noticed that when the blinker is turned on it is difficult to tell it is on -- the lights are just too small. I'm thinking these things are not real safe in today's world.

Not sure what model this is, but it reminds me of my 1970 VW Beetle from long ago.

Sunday

So, today is Sunday. Didn't go to church. Could have, I guess, even though I was dead tired from waking up at 3:30 A.M. But seems so useless to go to church when life is in such turmoil. I cry all night, I cry all day, I keep myself locked in exile in my little 10 x 10 room because when I go out of this room I am faced with having to look at the person who for almost 10 years has caused so much grief. Why didn't I get out years ago? Why don't I get out now? I certainly didn't hang around or allow others to hang around when they were much nicer to me than this one is. But I remember how horribly lonely those 17.5 years were, and especially after the kids left home and I was completely and forever alone. But, oh, God, I can't take this any more.

What makes someone suck the lifeblood out of the person on whom he/she is dependent for support from everything from housing and food to underwear? I never signed up for this. I never agreed to be subjected to stupid temper tantrums, screaming rants and raves, and sessions of totally freaking out over the most minute thing. I never agreed to be a part of this horror show. And it is actually worse than this, but I can't tell anyone - it would kill me for others to know the truth of what is going on. He has ruined his life, and in the ruining of his own has ruined my life as well, ruined everything I worked so many years to accomplish. But I can't talk to anyone about it, to do so means admitting that I am stupid, defective. I keep praying for God to deliver me, even though I know that deliverance may come by way of my death...no, I'm not suicidal, but I do know that the stress I'm under can cause rejection of the transplanted kidney and death. Yet all I can think about is escape.

In the process I've lost the most important people in the world to me - my children and grandchildren. And there is nothing I can do about any of it except sit in this 10x10 cell called my "sewing room" and cry. I don't know how I got here, and I have no idea how to fix it. I need help but I don't have a clue.

I am grateful for the once in a while times like yesterday, but the people who are there have no idea that any "relationship" they see between us is pretend just for the moment. There is no relationship, just entrapment. It is now so bad that I have sworn I will never go on another trip with this lunatic...the 5 days we spent going to San Antonio and Fredericksburg were absolutely horrible. I truly do not think I will ever attempt that again. I plan to travel, but I will travel alone. There are places I want to go, places I have dreamed of going after retirement - but he can't go anyway - he can't leave the country. That's a choice he made by his actions. I refuse to allow myself to be punished for his stupidities.

Yesterday I looked on line for divorce forms to complete for doing one's own divorce; today I looked up my attorney's phone number. But if I do that, how do I answer to God about putting this mad man on the street when I know he has very little income? I don't think he should be entitled to half the house I worked and saved for and built before I married him; and I don't think that he should be entitled to half of my retirement when we were only married a very short time of all the years (1966-2012) I worked for it! Of course currently due to the economy I owe more on the house than it's worth. And I don't think he should be entitled to half of the 401K I contributed to all these years. He has never contributed a dime, has been unemployed a great deal of the time I've known him, and has sucked money from me since the day we married. And then there's that little thing he forgot to tell me before we married - that one thing that would have kept me from EVER marrying him. He knew a sucker when he met me.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday, April 27, 2012

Up kinda early, hair and teeth brushed, out the door to head back to Rustic Creek RV Park to check on the motorhome and load some of the stuff on it now that it is cleaned. Got there, Ken immediately went into his screaming, yelling, toddler tantrum fit because his brain simply does not engage such that he understands how the coach works. He screamed and yelled at me that this doesn't work, that doesn't work, etc. I told him he had to turn both of the house batteries on/off under the hood and he told me only one of them was for the house. I could not make him understand and he went into a rage. I know what I'm talking about because I had a private walkthrough with the salesman when we bought the coach because I knew Ken would not be able to handle the rig. Of course things worked once both house batteries were engaged.

We finally started unloading the bins Ken had taken from the garage that supposedly hold the things that go on the motorhome. The first bin we opened held all kinds of party things for a Hawaiian luau. We put them back in the bin to take to the Goodwill. The second bin had a few plastic glasses, bowls and very few plates. Certainly not any of the things that we use such as bowls, pots/pans, etc. One of the bins had the table top BBQ grill and the awning lights and some stuff for the bathroom - first aid kit, soaps, stuff. We put up what was there and then started getting ready to leave. The entire time we were there Ken was in rage mode. He has no patience for doing anything so when it was time to pull in the slide (electric), he got so mad and threw a fit and could not get it to work. It was because he was moving the toggle switch to the wrong direction, etc., etc. The slide came in fine (it is slow) once he stopped the fit he was throwing.

(I can no longer live this way. It has been almost 10 years. I am tired of being abused verbally, emotionally, mentally while at the same time supporting him. Today I looked on line for divorce forms to complete. I do not feel any responsibility or obligation for Ken since his insanity is due to his own doing. I am going to have to do what it takes to take care of me.)

We dropped the coach off at Camping World. The list includes a left brake light, city water connection in the utility bay, checking out the kitchen faucet and water lines (water runs everywhere), and checking the slide. Whether or not Ken remains a part of my life, I intend to operate the motorhome. I am perfectly capable of doing that, and now that I am retired I intend to go. Sometime this next week I will have to get out in the garage to find the bins of things that go back on the motorhome. The motorhome was purchased from my severance package funds, Ken did not and has never contributed a dime for any of the RVs or the main house.

We stopped for lunch at Julie's then dropped off the bin of stupid Hawaiian crap at the Goodwill. We came home, I locked myself in my office/sewing room, spent the afternoon crying and working on Katie Jo's afghan. I am just really, really unable to contend with life with Ken any more. I asked him today why he wants to stay somewhere he knows he's not wanted! I know the answer -- he's using me as his financial support. His income of $1600 per month simply will not pay for rent, his car, medical insurance, auto insurance, meds, groceries, and gasoline. So he is using me.

Sorry, I don't have the oomph to come up with anything witty or inspirational tonight. I'm too busy trying to figure out how to get out of this situation.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Saw the above posted on Facebook today -- it struck me as being appropriate for the way I feel at the end of some days!

Been quite lazy since returning home from our short trip around San Antonio and the Texas Hill Country. I've done a little laundry, put away a few things out of the luggage, but haven't completed a darn thing. These short, fun trips wear me out and I take a couple of days to recuperate. Takes 2-3 days to get over all the wonderful bad food we eat while on these trips!

We are getting our act together to get Casten's Castle moving. We made a reservations to take it to the North Texas Jellystone Park at Rustic Creek Ranch for one night, getting there at about 11 a.m. That means we have it there one day, a night, and part of another day. We did this because we needed to test out the motorhome while at the same time making cleaning the interior and getting everything put onboard (we still have all the "stuff" from our previous motorhome - dishes, pots/pans, towels, chairs, appliances, and such). We have cleaned just about every inch of that coach -- walls, cabinets (inside and outside), scrubbed the nasty bathroom. It took us a LONG time to get things done because there was 14 years of scum and dirt. I'm kinda strange - I don't want to live on top of anybody else's dirt!! We emptied every drawer, every shelf, took down the shower rod to clean it, I got down on my knees to clean floors. We even vacuumed the mattress. Ken thought I would keep the mattress pads and pillows, that were on the bed but no way, no hey. All of that got carted to the dumpster. We will be purchasing a new mattress. Mattresses on motorhomes are NOT very comfortable. We replaced the one on the Fleetwood Flair with a "home" model. I'm sure we'll do the same on this one.

Thought we were not going to be able to go to Rustic Creek today. Ken was in one of his "attack" modes, and I'm not mentally, emotionally or physically able to deal with that today. His blood sugar was over 400, and when he gets like that anybody and everybody is in for it. It is getting worse. I don't want to be cursed out, shoved, hit, yelled at, put up with things being thrown, etc., today, but finally decided he was going to be ok so we headed out. We stopped at Family Dollar to get things like a cheap pack of rags to clean with, paper towels, and some soft scrub. During the drive to Family Dollar it became obvious today would be a horrible day with Ken. And he is not happy until he has pushed all the buttons and I am sticking to the top of the ceiling.

We finally picked up the motorhome and I was traveling behind in the car. I noticed that the left brake light is out. Put that on the list of things that need to be done to the coach. Then we arrived at Rustic Creek, I told Ken which site was ours so he could park while I checked in. When I got over to the site he was in the coach having a ranting fit because the A/C wasn't coming on. Well, number one, he didn't have the house batteries turned on. No. 2, he didn't have the power at the pole turned on. At the same time, I was telling him that he had to move the coach because he had parked it too far to the right of the site and up against a tree that was scratching the hell out of the motorhome. He threw a fit because I made him move it. He still didn't move it over far enough but at least it was better (no way could we test the awning because he was still too close to the tree). Unfortunately he didn't move it far enough forward that the hookups would reach or that the car could be parked. So he threw another tantrum because once again I made him move it.

Then he started trying to hook things up. I have no idea what he did, but the water was on in the bathroom and kitchen. Apparently he never hooked up the sewer. But with the water on I could clean. (He never turned on the hot water heater either, so no idea if that works. The whole idea of today was to test to make sure everything worked - but there is NO cooperation from Ken.) While I cleaned the bathroom, Ken was cleaning out bedroom cabinets and drawers - much against his will. And he stripped all that nasty bedding off that mattress. Yea! I vacuumed it, then let it air out some. Wish I could have set it out in the sun.

I noticed water spilling out from under the kitchen faucet, making a mess on the counter top and the floor. We kept mopping it up thinking it was back splash, but it wasn't. Then Ken checked the cabinet under the sink - it was wet. As though that wasn't bad enough (need new faucet? need new water lines?), he went out to turn off the water and the connector piece where the water hose hooks to the coach came off - he couldn't get it back on...there was something wrong with it. I hear him outside the coach in this family RV park screaming and cussing over and over and I am afraid we are going to be thrown out of this place. I'm sure they would have done it. I went out to get him to shut up, and of course he took the entire problem out on me. He continues to have a toddler tantrum fit using all the loud horrible words he knows and blaming me for this "piece of shit" you bought!!" and I'm telling him I'd like to see the $200,000 motorhome he bought seeing how he's never held a job in his life, hasn't got a damn dime to his name, and mooches his entire survival off of me. Not a good time. I eventually told him to take the part to the store to see if they have a replacement. In his stupidity he thinks I mean the RV Park store, so he's back in a few minutes cussing me out because they don't have one. I looked at him and asked if he was really that stupid, of course they wouldn't have it. I was talking about Camping World which is just a few minutes up the road!!! (Twice today Ken lunged at me with his fists drawn back as if to hit me. I let him know that is exactly what I am waiting for him to do. Once he does that, I call 911 and I never have to worry about his A$$ again; his goose will be cooked.)

Ken took the part to Camping World. They said it was rigged...they had never seen anything put together like that. They got it apart, but sold Ken a replacement for it and told him if the replacement doesn't work the coach will need to be brought in for repair. It didn't work. The coach will go in tomorrow but work will not be done until next Tuesday. In the meantime we got things cleaned up by using the bucket we brought. I took it to the bath house, cleaned it with tub and tile cleaner, rinsed it out, then used it as a source for kitchen sink water so that I could clean cabinets and the floors. We didn't get anything put away today, we'll do some of that tomorrow morning, I hope. I do wish, however, that Ken had been sensible and hooked up the sewer and the water heater. Even after Camping World does repairs we won't be able to leave town or go on a camping weekend because we still do not know if these things work.

Today was just one of many of trying to survive in Ken's insane world. He desperately needs to be in a full-time care facility, but he does not have the income or insurance to pay for that. But he cannot continue to live here in my house being disrespectful to me and expecting me to support him. I want out.

So, that's the day we spent. Ken came home, put out the trash and the bags of evergreen trimmings - which the trash people will NOT pick up, and I've told him so -- he showered, went to bed.

[Note: About Rustic Creek (North Texas Jellystone Park). This used to be RV Ranch of Burleson, and we went there a lot on our own as well as with the Frontier Sam's RV Chapter of the Good Sam's club. This place is trying to become a resort RV park, all kinds of things have been put in for kids (water park, various games, activities), the site prices are out of sight cost wise (we paid $39.60 for a site we formerly got for less than $20). The big club room has now been taken as a rec type room (foosball, pool, a concession kitchen that sells burgers, pizza, and such at 4 p.m.). This is no longer the kind of place most real RV people would choose to stay.]

God give me strength, because for my own survival I need to get out of this situation.

Psalm 105:4 "Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always."

Monday, April 23, 2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

My Oath to You: When you are sad.....I will dry your tears.
When you are scared.....I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried.......I will give you hope.
When you are confused......I will help you cope.
And when you are lost...and can't see the light,
I shall be your beacon...shining ever so bright.
This is my oath.....I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?....Because you're my friend.
Signed: GOD

Isn't the above wonderful? A great reminder.

Mondays are Brutal!

So, Monday, Monday, can't trust that day. I thought after driving home yesterday surely the household would stay asleep this morning. Ken had such a hard time the night before we started home - he was awake tossing and turning, getting up and down, making all kinds of racket thru the night. But lo and behold, no, he was up before the butt crack of dawn this morning making noise throughout the house, coming in and out of the bedroom, bathroom, doing heaven knows what. Have no idea why he was getting dressed for the day -- there's nothing to do and nowhere to go that time of day. Of course the dogs wanted up - especially Luci. She was all over me, wanting down, wanting Daddy to get her and he wasn't. I finally got him to come get her. He had been up an hour or so by then. I looked at the clock - it was 6:10 a.m.!!

Bennie Jo and I finally got everybody out of the bedroom and then we went back to sleep; slept until 9:30. Ken had an appointment and then took the Beetle to the shop at Carmax to get the passenger seat adjusted - the back of the seat was refusing to lean forward over the seat when the release strap was pulled. This is the second time he has had the car in for this. This time he made them sit in it and then try it...sure enough it didn't work. They sprayed some kind of lubricant in it and said if it does it again they'll send him to the VW place to have it looked at - on their nickel.

A lazy day more or less. At least until our doc appointment at 2 -- that would be Dr. Malofsky, the foot doc. In addition to nail trim, etc., I had a bit of surgery on my big toe due to an injury that went bad. Had to cut out all the bad tissue. Ken had just about the same thing done because he had two ulcerated toes due to the straps of a pair of his old sandals. I got to show off my new ortho shoes (I noticed Ken wore his doc prescribed New Balance tennis shoes!). Other than that, we went to Taco Bell for a couple of tacos and a soft drink, came home, and taking it easy today. Nothing earth shattering. Tomorrow I work on bills and taxes (Ken will be gone in the morning), and start on the laundry I did not do today and unpacking suitcases/bags. Right now they are just thrown all over the bedroom.

Oh, we did take the doggie babies outside to the front and for a very short walk yp the street a few houses. We are going to work on this until I and Bennie can walk around the block. Luci kept begging to be picked up, but she needs to walk, too.

Gotta run -- I'm going to make Ken take me to the Italian Cafe on the corner for dinner -- it's cheap. We can both eat there for less than $20.

Take care, hugs, God bless

"My inability to understand how God will answer my prayer shall not deter my faith believing He will answer."

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Shoes

Due to a situation that occurred about eleven years ago, I cannot wear "off-the-rack" shoes except for a very few brands. Most of my shoes are custom made or special orders. Recently we went shopping for spring/summer clothes for us and for new sandals for Ken and new tennis shoes. I had already received my new special order sandals, but Ken found some skecher type tennis shoe sandals as well as his Rockports. We looked for some for me - I wanted the tennis shoe Mary Jane type shoes. Nope, couldn't get them -- not wide enough, not deep enough. Didn't figure I would be able to have any. BUT, found that several companies that specialize in orthopedic/extra depth/diabetic shoes now have them!
Sure enough Drew Shoes (drewshoe.com) had them so I was thrilled to arrive home today to find these have been delivered! And they fit. I see Dr. Malofsky tomorrow afternoon; I can hardly wait to show him my new shoes!
They are a wider width, deeper shoe, so the "stump" (bulge) of my right foot that has been amputated and the heel removed actually seats in the shoe! I am a happy camper and feel so modern!!! My orthotics will fit nicely in these. Even the left foot feels good in these!

San Antonio

Knowing that Tamara would take great care of our fur babies, we packed up for a short vacation. We decided to take the Beetle because the Saturn needs new tires. And because we enjoy the little Beetle. People are surprised that we are able to put two mobility scooters and have enough space to throw in clothes/shoes as well! But we do!

So, about 8:30 last Wednesday morning we headed out for San Antonio. We meant to stop in West at the bakery, but we missed the turn and elected to keep on going. We finally pulled off the road in Salado. It was a little early so we did a little driving thru town, stopped at a quilt fabric store (way too expensive!), then went to the Ambrosia Tea Room for lunch. The chicken ranch soup (basically tortilla soup) was good. My chicken salad sandwich was not. Way too much mayo! Nevertheless, I ate it 'cause we were paying for it.

We hit the road again after Salado and arrived at the Red Roof Inn in San Antonio about 2:30 p.m. Wasn't hard to find, but is located a little distance from the "happenings" around the Alamo and the River Walk. But the room was nice, and we had our scooters. So, we plugged in the scooters for a bit, did a bit of unpacking and resting, then headed out. Red Roof Inn is located at Houston and I-37, so from the hotel we had to travel under the bridge, cross a lot of traffic at lights, and work our way up Houston to the back side of the Alamo at Robinson, travel around the Alamo to the Menger Hotel side, and go across the plaza to go anywhere. That first day we were headed for Little Rhein Steakhouse which is located immediately adjacent to the Palacio Hilton Hotel. We had reservations and had made reservations for our scooters to be parked and cared for by the staff while we had dinner out on the terraced patio overlooking the river. What a beautiful place for dinner, and what scrumptioius food!

Ken had a martini, I had a glass of white wine. We had crab meat stuffed avocado, beef tomato salad, we always split one of the ribeye steaks because they are HUGE, and we had steamed mushrooms along with potatoes au gratin. We shared a Creme Brulee. Afterward we went in and out of a shop or two but decided we needed to make our way back to the hotel before too late/too dark because of the distance. I was feeling uneasy about two old people on scooters zipping around that far from major public places.

Thursday morning we went to breakfast at Denny's and then headed back to Alamo Plaza to visit the Alamo and the Alamo gift shop. (Wasn't nearly as frightening as it had been the evening prior.) I had been hankering after a denim bag I had seen there Labor Day weekend of 2010!! So, we got the bag, Ken got a hat. Next we headed to the river - we always go thru the Hyatt because it is the nicest place and they have a wonderful elevator that takes one down to the river level. Plus they have a nice bar and a nice coffee shop. Seems we always turn left when we go out their door, so this time we went right! We went quite a ways and then doubled back to the Hyatt. we found electrical outlets where we plugged in the scooters while we had wonderful latte and shared a bagel with cream cheese. We looked at the map of San Antonio and decided we wanted to visit the Buckhorn Museum but couldn't figure out how to get there! From the GPS on our phone we knew we were only 420 feet from it but couldn't figure out how to get there. One of the excellent maintenance men at the Hyatt assisted us and took Ken to the window to show him how to get there. It was just across from the Hyatt at the back on the corner of Houston.

We made our way to the Buckhorn Saloon and Museum. What a neat place! Except I am REALLY stupid. This place has the Hall of Horns (marvelous museum), and the Texas Rangers Museum. Well dumb me thought it was a sports museum so I told Ken to go by himself to see it and I would wait. That's when he and the staff person laughed at me! Oh, well, I wasn't stupid for long. Yes, it's a museum about the Texas lawmen, the real Texas Rangers! (The picture of the Texas longhorn is just a sample of what is in the museum. Every horned animal imaginable is represented in this museum. Has to be seen to be appreciated.)

The Hall of Horns Museum is upstairs in the Buckhorn Saloon and Museum. The Texas Rangers Museum is downstairs. There is much history here about the famous law unit and individual officers, and there are some very fine pieces of western sculpture as well. This picture shows one example.

After leaving the museums we visited the gift shop. I bought a fabulous necklace and earrings set (should be shot!), Ken got a shot glass for his collection, and I think he got a small horned figurine as well. Then we made our way back down Houston Street heading toward the hotel but crossed to the other side to visit a gift shop that sold Mexican dresses, tops, blankets, etc. I bought myself a new Mexican dress (I love San Antonio - they sell them in MY size!!), and we picked up a pink Mexican blanket for Tamara. Then we headed back to the hotel.

We plugged in the scooters and rested for an hour or so. Then we loaded the scooters in the back of the Beetle and headed for Market Square at the opposite end of town. Ken was very worried about being able to get back to the hotel because the streets were being closed off because we were there for the opening of Fiesta (Flowers). He thought we couldn't get back. When he gets fixated on something, he cannot let it go, and he ended up being rude to the desk clerk that was trying to help us. It is so damned embarrassing.

But we made it to the market - after first missing the turn into the parking lot and it being MY fault of course. The thing about the Mexican market is, once you've seen one shop, you've just about seen them all. They all carry about the same thing -- Mexican dresses, skirts, shirts, tops, pottery, silver, turquoise, straw hats, whatever. We were there to find replacement wine glasses for the beautiful two wine glasses I got in 2010 that were dropped and broken. We found them - this time I bought six instead of two. Then I had to protect them the rest of the trip!

After purchasing the glasses, we found a wall cross for Tamara - she collects them. This one is in pewter, not silver. We had problems finding a nice one - they were all pretty gawdy. Afterward we headed for the outdoor market area down to the El Margarita Mexican Restaurant. The food was really good, and of course we ate too much! Ken had a frozen margarita, I had one on the rocks. One is our limit. Then we headed quickly thru the rest of the market (just looking - didn't buy a thing), and then back to the car. We had driven to the market via Commerce (one way), so I had Ken go out on the other side which goes back one way the other direction. I knew when we got to the other end of town we could turn left on Bowie then right on Houston to get to the hotel and never get close to the blocked off streets. We had no problems.

Ken took just the batteries to the room, plugged them in, we rested while they were charging. We cleaned up a bit (no hot water) then headed back to the Alamo Plaza because Thursday night was the opening ceremony/first night of Fiesta. What a party! And so many people!! But we made our way thru, managed to get a Fiesta t-shirt for Ken and had it signed by the artist who won the competition for the Fiesta t-shirt logo, and then made our way through the crowd back down to the river. We would have gone to Pat O'Brian's, but there was some kind of acousic music in the dueling piano bar instead of the pianos. No dueling pianos until Friday night and we would be gone. So, on to the river. We did our usual turn to the left out of the Hyatt then decided we wanted to cross to the other side.

To cross to the other side of the river is tough for disabled folks. You can't take the scooters/wheel chairs up the stairs, you have to find a city elevator that works and go up to street level, cross a bridge over the river, hope there is an elevator on the other side, then go back down. Well, there was no elevator. We finally found our way down a ramp through a pay to park lot but after going quite some ways on that side of the river figured we better get back toward the Hyatt. We couldn't find a way back up. A fellow in a wheel chair familiar with San Antonio led us to an elevator then asked for money. We gave him what cash we had. However, when we got to the street level, we had no idea where we were and there was no elevator on the other side of the street!!! We went the wrong way, ended up on the other side of town (in the dark, two old people on handicap scooters, lost, scared). We were asking everybody, a kid that looked like a hoodlum, a truck driver, anybody. We stopped in the parking garage on one hotel but the guy working there didn't know any more than we did. A truck driver we hollered at pointed ahead of us and let us know that we were about 40 feet from the river. Once we found that bridge we were able to find our way across it, go down to river level, and back track to the Hyatt! We went to the bar, plugged in the scooters, had a drink, then decided that these two old people had no business being out on the streets that late so we went back to the hotel.

There was still no hot water Friday morning. I found out when I woke up - Ken had already taken an ice water shower. There was no way I could. I managed to take a spit bath and clean up, then we headed down to go to Denny's for breakfast. The hotel manager attempted to say good morning and apologized, wanting to make an explanation. I told him I didn't care about the explanation - I was a paying guest and expected to have hot water. His remark was, "You had hot water 'til 6 o'clock last night." Golly and gosh durn, why would I expect to have hot water at night and in the morning? After all, at 6 o'clock the night before we were leaving the hotel for the evening! Anyway, we got off on the wrong foot that morning.

When we returned from breakfast we packed up and headed back thru the lobby. We stopped to check out. The clerk asked what she could do to make it up. I said I didn't want a future night at Red Roof because I would never stay in a Red Roof again and would be sure my friends knew about it. I asked for a 10% discount - which would not be much but would be a token. She said that was not a problem. About that time the manager came up, apologized again, I said I just wanted to leave, he said he would comp one night of our stay, I agreed. We left. Never again.

Hill Country

On to the hill country! I had mapped directions to Kerrville in my phone. Ken insisted I drive us out of San Antonio. Don't know if anyone knows or not, but in the past year I have become quite frightened of driving. But at least I knew HOW to get us out of San Antonio! So I got us to Highway 10 and to an exit for gasoline, and then Ken took over. Kerrville is roughly 62 miles from San Antonio. I've always wanted to go - now I can say I've been.

The drive to Kerrville wasn't difficult at all, and both sides of the highway and the center strip were covered with wild flowers. Not bluebonnets, but at least wildflowers. Yellows, oranges, whites, and a few blue scattered through.

We stopped at an antique store in Kerrville, took the time to go through everything, and then headed out of town to the James Avery "factory," which looks more like a ranch with multiple large buildings scattered across multiple acres. We didn't buy a single thing! Way too expensive! And I guess I'm one of the few people in the world who are not so impressed by James Avery pieces - especially at those prices. So after browsing we headed toward Fredericksburg. We were going to go to Hilltop Cafe (http://hilltopcafe.com/), but they don't open until 4 and the kitchen doesn't serve until 5. The Hilltop Cafe is a converted gas station; one of the members of Asleep at the Wheel (country band) is a partner.
But instead of the Hilltop Cafe, we had lunch at the Altdorf Biergarten (http://www.altdorfbiergarten-fbg.com/) Ken had an imported German beer (bottle) and I meant to save the bottle but forgot and went off without it. Grr...

Instead we headed out to the ranch to see if we still knew the way. We found it, then headed to the Willow City Loop.
For those unfamiliar, that is not a highway. It is a loop through private land/ranches, that is about 13.3 miles, where one can enjoy wildflowers (if any), cactus, canyons, snakes, etc. Warnings are posted to keep moving, do not stop, do not park, do not get out of the car. This is rattle snake country. In making our way thru we ran over a snake that was wiggling its way across the road. Ken never saw it, I did. I was terrified it might have gotten entangled in the tire and be thrown into the wheel well into the engine compartment or something. Here in Texas one hears of those kinds of happenings - snake bite the tire and be caught. I'm never opening the hood! Anyway, Ken had never been, I had seen it once before, we will never do it again. Once is enough.

The "Ranch" and Fredericksburg

The "wildflower" trip is an annual event/trip to Fredericksburg by a bunch of people who know one another mostly from Sunday School class/classes at First United Methodist Church of Fort Worth and who invite friends and family to come along. This year we had quite a crowd because the mother of a long-time member of this group died earlier this year. Her ashes were scattered at Willow City Loop and her memorial service was held at the Fredericksburg Funeral Home on Saturday morning.

The place where we stay is a converted ranch on Crabapple Road, a few miles outside of Fredericksburg. Reservations are through Country Inn and Cottages. There's a motel type facility in town, and then the ranch facility which includes the big main house with lots of bedrooms, and converted out buildings. One is a former winery and now has 3 bedrooms, and several other outbuildings. All very nicely done, and beautiful rustic furniture. This is about the most peaceful place I have ever been. Ken and I had a private room this time in one of the "motel" dog trot type rooms. We were in No. 7. Information about this facility and the room where we stayed can be found at http://www.mycountryinn.com/.

In one pasture the owners have a herd of elk. They will come right up to the fence and lie down, and some will even stick their noses thru the fence wanting to be petted. But the owners warn not to! Not many listen. In the front of the place, every evening the owner (lady) comes in her truck. When she gets out you can see deer coming from every direction from all around. They are coming out of the tree line, jumping fences, coming from across the road, from everywhere. It is amazing. In a short time there are anywhere from 50 to 100 deer around her and she is feeding them. It is like watching a deer whisperer, something out of National Geographic. Amazing. And they are almost tame. Visitors can almost get close enough to reach out and touch but are warned not to. Yet the lady walks among them. She also has belted galloway cattle that feed with the deer. One of them is a bull - been hand raised, and is pretty gentle. but don't test it!

After unpacking, checking in with the main house, we headed to the grocery store for supplies. Coming in from San Antonio we had not packed food drinks, etc., from home. At the ranch we all put things to share in the main house kitchen and then everyone eats whatever is there. We paid friend Joan who had picked up BBQ at Coopers in Llano as our part of the Friday evening share...good sliced beef for me and jalapino sausage for Ken (and for whomever else wanted it). So from the store we picked up some breads, fruits, dips, chips, crackers, and some things for our room as well. Ken and I do not like going to the main house for food, and we like having things in our own area for light meals, snacking, and late night low blood sugar issues (Ken mostly).

Everyone sits out on the patio in the evening, having a glass of wine, sometimes a fire, sometimes guitars playing, visiting, relaxing, decompressing. It's great.

Saturday morning Ken and I ate from the food we bought instead of breakfast in town, then headed downtown to roam the stores. We found a new harness for Luci, then we got out my scooter and headed west on the main street. We went to the Fredericksburg Winery (http://www.fbgwinery.com/pass.html?month=3&day=6&year=1948&x=47&y=27) where there was free tasting. I didn't participate, Ken did. We ended up buying a bottle of riesling wine along with a shot glass for Ken's collection. The fellow overcharged us for the shot glass and instead of returning the $2.50 overcharge gave us a $10 wine glass (I wanted it!).

We were headed on down that south side of the street when we saw Susan (adult daughter of our friend Joan) across the street She knew we were looking for a cross for our "foster" daughter Tamara. She had spotted some at the Lazy S store. Ken went back across the street jaywalking with her while I went back to the corner to cross. After saying hello to friends Kim and Roger, we headed to the Lazy S, but found a winery before we got there (http://www.water2wine.us/fredericksburg/). We ended up spending a bit of time in there speaking with the owners/operators and doing tastings! Oh, man. And we had a bottle of Blueberry Pinot Noir special labeled for us to celebrate our upcoming 10th anniversary on May 25. I believe it says, "Casten's Private Reserve, Est. 2002." The owners replaced the top seal paper with one matching the label, and did a decoration for the anniversary. label cost was $10. We're kinda cheap!

Then we made our way down to to Rathskeller's German restaurant (http://www.fredericksburgtexas-online.com/ftorathskeller.html - we had vouchers that came with out room) for lunch. All that way for German food and had their special of the day - ravioli (lol). Afterward we crossed the street and headed back, wandering thru all the funky little stores, really looking for another cross for Tamara - from Fredericksburg. Finally found one at all places in the Five and Dime store! All the others, just like San Antonio, looked and seemed cheap or gaudy. I managed to find myself a really pretty sterling silver rose ring as well -- I'm cheap, so this I chose the one for $19.99!! By this time it was after 4 o'clock so we decided instead of heading back to the ranch we would go on out to the Hilltop Cafe and talk our way in early instead of waiting until reservations at 6. Glad we did. We ate about 5 o'clock, then headed back to the ranch. We visited a bit with friends, rested, nibbled, sat out on the patio a bit, had a diet coke (too much wine already that day), and then went to our room and went to bed.

Ken had a pretty miserable night - didn't get much sleep, tossed and turned, was up and down to the potty room, and finally just got up and went outside very early. I finally gave up trying to sleep so we dresed, packed, and headed for home about 8:30. We headed east out of F. on 290 to 281 and came home thru Marble Falls, Burnet, Lampasas, Hamilton, Hico, Glen Rose, and Granbury. We stopped one time - In Lampasas at McDonald's for breakfast and a mocha frappe. We were home by about 1:30.

Greetings from the Babies

Tamara was at her house when we got home (she doesn't live far), and had children with her so we were greeted by the babies when we came through the back door. From the reports we received Luci cried some of the time we were gone (she is a momma and daddy girl), and apparently she was afraid of Tink - Tamara's little chihuahua (sp?). Luci and Bennie were ready to be picked up and rocked. And I promised we will never leave them again (maybe?). We will take our babies with us if we go again. I will never leave Luci again if we are traveling by vehicle. Nor the other two either for that matter. With the motorhome we don't have to leave them - they just stay in the rig.

Tamara came about 5, the kiddos told her hello and goodbye, we got hugs, paid her for taking care of the babies, and then she left us. I'm sure she's tired of us and our dog children and having to run both places. Next time I think we'll just take her and Jason with us. We dearly miss having children and granchildren in our lives. It's been nice to have these two young people be willing to be a part of us. They are both really sweet.

So, that's about it for Casten's travels for now. Ken has already hit the hay and I'm not far behind him. We'll get unpacked tomorrow, maybe. Until next time, take care, and God bless.

Psalm 121:8 "The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore."

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sometimes I get so discouraged and down due to how life is and certain relationships with loved ones who let me know that no matter what I do, my mistakes in life make me unworthy of being a part of their lives. And then I remind myself that it is impossible for me to be anyone other than me - that I just need to be the best me I can be. A very long time ago, I spent close to seven (7) years trying to be or become someone I wasn't. It just doesn't work. This "poster" was on Facebook today and I found it to be encouraging.

WARNING! This is not the happiest of blog posts!


Spent the night sleeping in the front bedroom. Long story, better left untold, has to do with Miss Luci and her difficulties. I learned that the front bedroom is a very bright room and that the sun comes up EARLY. As if that wasn't enough to wake me up, I heard little noises as Mollie and Sally the cats investigated the room throughout the night (we usually keep the door to that room closed). I also worried about bullets coming through the window as the bed is in direct line of that window! I finally got up because two little ones (Luci and Bennie) were in the bedroom begging to be up on the bed.

I've made reservations for a short trip to San Antonio and the hill country. Didn't want to spend big money on hotel in San Antonio so reserved a room at Red Roof Inn -- hope it's not a bed bug place!!! We'll be leaving there and traveling to Fredericksburg to meet up with a bunch of friends/people at the ranch, better known as Country Inn and Cottages. We highly recommend this place to everyone - it's like something out of National Geographic.

Tamara came by today to pick up keys and garage door opener. She's a sweetie. The "kids" were so excited to see her. She and Jason will be coming tomorrow and she'll bring Tink. I think Luci is really going to enjoy playing with Tink. It will be good for her - she needs a playmate!

Other than that, I've cleaned the potties, cleaned out the bathrooms, ran the dust mop, mopped the kitchen, breakfast room, den. I'm about packed, gotta shower and then pass out for a few hours. Hopefully we'll head to SA early in the AM. Ken is driving me nuts about getting ready for this trip, to the point that I'm about to change my mind about going. He is in such a tizzy and he keeps bothering me! Every time I look up he's in my face. My God, I've been traveling all my life. It won't take me long to throw undies, clothes, toiletries, meds, shoes and a sleeping shirt into a bag!! Nothing would do today except I take the time to go to the garage to figure how to fit two mobility scooters into the back of the Beetle. It wasn't hard, but I am so tired of having to be the man in the family. And it is extremely difficult to try to think things out logically when he's so worked up, yelling at me, causing a scene in the front yard, and being a JA. I am sick to death of having to live this way. But had I left it up to him he would have thrown things into the car and ruin a brand new car the same way he did the back part of the Saturn that is now all beat up. It is so difficult to stay sane when one lives in Ken's world.

And today he's been pissy because I've asked him to help around here. So he does things half ass so I have to re-do them. He says to me today, "I always have to pick up your plate off the coffee table." (We eat in the den, have one of those pull up and over tables in there.) After everything else today, that did not sit well. The two things Ken does is put dishes in the dishwasher and take care of the animals. Oh, he also washes the sheets and towels. He doesn't clean counter tops, bathrooms, doesn't see dirt anywhere unless it is pointed out. He also does not contribute to living expenses or anything else. His income barely covers his own expenses and personal medical needs.

I can only hope that he doesn't make this short trip as miserable as every other trip we've been on. I swore after the last trip that I would never go on another one with him.

That's about it, folks. This will be my last post for a while, I think. Maybe next time I'll be a much happier blogger! Play nice while I'm gone and don't pee in the pool!

"God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus." – Max Lucado

Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday, April 16, 2012

Sometimes we fail in life, and sometimes we need to remember that no matter how bad we've been, how many times we've failed, or how many horrible things we've done, there is grace that covers it all. Copy the link and read the story of one very special young lady at http://destinyinbloom.com/embraced-by-grace/. (Note: I haven't yet figured out how to make links "live" on blogspot.
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Now, on to my day. I remembered the diagnosis I was given several years ago! Instead of MS or MD, it is unconfirmed Charcot Marie Tooth disease, which is inherited. It affects the feet, legs and can affect the hands as well. I've never known anyone in my family to have it - on either side!! But I know someone who has it. I don't have the "wasting" away of the legs, but have the foot issues and the problems walking/balancing.

So, what's been happening! Yesterday, Sunday, we intended to head to Oakgrove Baptist Church. No way am I ever going to get anywhere for an 8:30 service, so we were planning to attend the 11:00 service in the ROC. No. 1, we have no idea what the ROC is - we've never been to the church - but we know it's not the sanctuary because we looked at a map of the church property! Must be the life center, so we're guessing it's one of those "modern" services with the rock band and all those monotonous choruses that go on and on and on and on. We don't like that, so we try to go to traditional services. When we know a service is going to be like that, we intentionally go late so we don't have to deal with the music.

HOWEVER, we didn't make it. We were up in time - Luci had a bad night and was up at 4:30, which means we were ALL up at 4:30!! About the time we were going to dress and head out we had big storms hit in our area. I don't like driving or being a passenger in thunder and lightening storms and rain downpours, so we stayed home again. We'll try again week after next. We have other things going on this coming weekend.

We didn't do anything major - Sunday is a down day. I worked on Katie Jo's afghan a bit, need to get it completed. And I worked on my blog site quite a bit developing a couple of stand-alone pages, one for my collection of sewing machines, and one about some of the things I've made. Have work to do on both pages.

Today Luci and Maggie went to the groomer at Petsmart. We have to be careful with Maggie - she's 12+ years old now, has a lot of those old knots all over her, she's lost some sight, but is still a very good natured baby. We worry about her at the groomer because she gets really anxious when she's anywhere except at home or on the motorhome and walking with us. And we worry about Luci because she's so little and she has asthma attacks when she gets stressed/panicked. Ken worried all day until the call came that they were ready. Bennie worried because he had no idea where the heck we took them! We don't take him to the groomer - we just take him to the vet and get his nails trimmed. We bathe him at home.

Ken got the rest of the dead evergreen tree cut down to the same height as the first one - only about 3 feet of big round trunk branches left now. Our friends Larry and Linda saw the post on Facebook about us going to rent a power saw to finish the job, so they called today and Larry has volunteered to come help Ken. Yea! Friends are the neatest things in life!!! This is really nice of Larry because he has tons of his own work to do -- they're house burned to the ground last year when the nut in their area decided to burn trash or brush or something and set the entire area on fire. L&L lost everything -- vehicles, house, barns, pets, everything. They've been trying to build a new house ever since and keep running into problems. Anyway, Larry thinks he can take the rest of the dang evergreens down with an ax and shovel. But he plans to buy a new chain saw this weekend so he might use that.

I tried on the swim suits I got at the outlet store...hope it is VERY dark when I get in the pool or hot tub! (lol) Bennie and I have just got to start walking!!! Everything I bought fits...surprised about that. Steroids/anti-rejection drugs are killing my attempts at weight loss.

After dropping off the dogs at the groomer this morning, we stopped at Joann so I could get backing fabric and batting to finish the quilt for great niece Presley. I started working on the backing when we got home, but gave it up until I can get this dang sewing room shoveled out because right now I don't have room to work. Her quilt is almost twin size so I need the space. I asked Ken today if he thought Bennie will let me use the king bed for a while tomorrow so I can lay out the quilt "sandwich." (backing, batting, quilt top). I don't pin the quilt together, I use a basting adhesive spray. makes life much easier than dealing with all those safety pins.

While at Joann's I picked up some fat quarters that were on sale - in various pinks. Ken asked if I was making Luci a new dress -- he thinks that's all I do now days! I really didn't get them for her, I got them for me. They'll make a nice charity quilt to be donated by my blanketeer group.

Guess that's about it. We're pretty boring.

John 3:16. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him might not perish but have everlasting life.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Saturday at Home

Due to the drought last year we lost our two huge evergreen trees (cedar?). They've been standing by the back porch posts dead and awful looking ever since. We had someone come give us a quote on taking them out but it was going to be very expensive. So, we left them. This morning I told DH I was going out to work on taking them down. He said I wouldn't be able to do it. I told him even if I could only take down 3 branches a day I would eventually get it done. I pulled up a lawn chair to the first tree and started on it. Naturally as soon as I started working on the first one he came to help. While I was using the loppers and pruners to cut the bottom branches he was picking up the cuttings and putting them in the paper bags to put out for the brush truck.

DH had to go to Ace to get more bags and I kept working on the first tree. When he got back it was almost done so he finished the tallest branch. We now have the first tree down almost all the way but what is left is the big round thick trunk branches and we can't get those with the loppers. We need a power saw and we don't own one. We'll have to rent one after we get the second tree down.

After a shower and shampoo I headed for a deserved time at the nail salon. I had a gift certificate DH had given me for my birthday. Got the nails done "American style" tips; couldn't get a pedicure because have boo boo on right toe. Maybe next week (takes a long time for boo boos on me to heal).

Next went to Supercuts and got the neatest hair cut. Love it. Reminds me of my mother's short cut. I've been letting my hair grow out since last summer, wanting it to get all one length. It's almost there but the hair that was so short over my ears is taking forever to grow out! But the cut today is almost exactly what I want. So, I have bangs, hair that is almost all one length at the ears, with undercut in the back so it doesn't stick out. Easy to take care of. Now will let it grow for a couple of months (except bangs) before cutting again. After that all layers will be off and will just let it grow. Now I have to color it.

When I got back from my "spa" time, DH had just about cut down all of the second tree! Wow, we've gone from "it can't be done," to "it's almost completely done." We have lots more yard work to do. Neither of us have been able to do the work for the past couple of years. Now we can do it - just have to move slowly. Next thing we have to do is get the dadgum fence replaced and new gates. This time around we may not put gates on both sides, but they sure have come in handy. Or, we may put up a different type of gate. Unfortunately chain link is not allowed in our neighborhood.

Date Night

We went to Logan's for dinner (I had yummy chopped sirloin), and then went to Barnes and Noble for a Starbuck's coffee and a quick look at a few books. Bought nothing; came home.

Miscellaneous

Hope to go to church tomorrow. Problem is getting up in time...traditional at Oakgrove Baptist starts at 8:30 a.m. Haven't been anywhere at that time of day in a VERY long time. If we miss that one, we'll go to the one at 10:30.

Good night, hope your day has been wonderful. Thank you, Lord, for a blessed day.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday, April 13, 2012

Bennie Joe Casten



Bennie Joe is our 6 year old dachshund, born December 17, 2005. My niece P. found him for DH because DH was grieving so much over his dog, Dina, that had to be put to sleep because of health issues. Dina was a sweetie - half Jack Russell Terrier and half German Shepherd. She looked like a miniature German Shepherd. Anyway, P., who was a doxie breeder, did not have any puppies at the time, but she volunteered to find one for DH because we wanted a good one. She called and told me about him...he was 4.5 weeks old, weighed less than a pound, was a full-blood with no papers, his mother had pushed him off. She kept him a day and overnight to be sure he was ok and then the next day met me at DH's office with him. DH at first didn't want anything to do with him, but after being persuaded to hold him it was a done deal.

For the next 6 months BJ went to work with Daddy every day, stayed in his office, slept in his small kennel. He was too little and too young to stay home with the other crittters. So DH and BJ became firmly bonded. After 6 months BJ retired from the work life and stayed home with Maggie the cocker.

BJ was always active -- we are campers and the dogs like to go on the walks. But the last couple of years have been tough healthwise for Ken and me and you can tell it by our physical decline. We need to get MOVING.

Today BJ went for his annual checkup. Overall, he checks out, but he needs to lose FIFTEEN POUNDS!!! He also has to have his teeth cleaned and he has a fibrous tumor on his belly. So, we have to have him seen about. And, we ALL have to start walking.

Grocery Shopping Disaster


We were almost completely out of food. Definitely needed to go grocery shopping. And, we had one roll of toilet paper left so shopping was a necessity! I made out a list thinking Ken would go by himself. He added a few things to the list and sent it back to me. Then he asked me when WE were going. I told him I wasn't planning to go. He didn't want to go either. So, we cut the grocery list in half and headed to Walmart. We go to Walmart because if we go to Albertson's we end up having to go to WM anyway because A. does not have everything we need.

Of course there were NO mobility scooters, which meant I had to walk and push a basket. I don't walk so well, and can't walk distances and duration. To top it off, with this bronchial problem I've had for the last 3.5 weeks I can hardly breathe with exertion of even minimal level. But, go after it we did. Ken got his finished up, telephoned me and met me in the toilet paper aisle. From there we finished the shopping and headed to the cashiers. Of course, out of all the dang available cashier stands in WM there were ONLY TWO operating!!! And both had lines out to the aisles.

Ken hates WM...and that's putting it mildly. By the time we made it to loading our stuff on the counter belt, he was fit to be tied. We had waited while one lady had to put things back because she didn't have the money to pay for things; had a couple of ladies who were piddling; and the usual things that happen in line at WM. By this time I'm concerned about the dang ice cream. Last time we bought groceries we had to throw the ice cream away when we got home because it had melted all over the place because we had waited in line for so long. I could see the boxes getting soft. By the time we were checked out I told Ken to tell her to take the ice cream off the bill - it was too soft to take home. She told us she couldn't do that - we had to go to the service desk to get our money back. Ken came unglued. He threw a fit, was rude, nasty, hateful. All I wanted was to get the money back and get out. I took the receipt and the melted ice cream to the service desk where I was told how rude and awful Ken was. I agreed, said to please pray for him, that I have been praying for him and about him for years and it hasn't changed anything. She told me to pray harder. I told her I had considered other things as well. The lady next to me told me not to do anything - it would backfire.

Got the money, we left, by this time I could hardly walk. I was about to pass out. I had to sit down on one of the benches close to the exit door. Finally made it to the car, let Ken load the groceries, and when we got home I went to bed for a few minutes. Ken unloaded and put away everything.

Note: I really wish I had a grocery basket as an aid in walking. I find it much easier to walk pushing a grocery cart than using my walker with wheels. The wheels on the walker are to close together or something and I'm always tripping on them. And I also want my crutches back. When all of this first happened, the plastic surgeon told me to walk as much as I can and when I have difficulty to walk but use the crutches - not to swing myself, but to help steady myself. DH decided I didn't need the crutches so they went to the GW. I think I'm going to GW to find an adjustable pair with good padding to use.

Auto Insurance


Got an email from our auto insurer with a form for us to sign rejecting PIP and uninsured motorist on the motorhome. Wow - I didn't know we weren't carrying those! We called, and I discovered that at present we do not have PIP - apparently years ago I decided I didn't want it. Now what this means is I rejected it because my health insurance will cover my medical...but of course it will not cover injuries of others riding in the car! So without PIP we need to make sure anyone riding in the car except us has health insurance -- please show me your health insurance card before climbing into my car!!! So, we are electing to add PIP. We're not too concerned about the uninsured motorist because we carry collision coverage. The whole insurance fiasco just confuses the heck out of me! What mind was I in if I waived PIP???? My gosh, my friends and grandchildren and children have ridden in my car. I thought I was fully covered!!!

That's All Folks


Gotta go...Miss Luci is ready for bed. And I want to work a row or two on great niece Katie's afghan. I'm starving, but even after grocery shopping I see no instant food!!! Seems everything needs to be prepared!

Take care, God bless, and we'll see what mischief happens in the future.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Feel Bad Feels Bad


Beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to recover. Feels like an elephant sitting on my upper chest; still struggling for air; still having major coughing spells and feel like I'm going to pass out. Having other issues as well. In 2005 I was diagnosed with some kind of something - can't remember what it was called -- thought it was MS first, but didn't prove to be. Anyway, affects my feet,legs and hips. Sometimes I feel like someone is driving long spikes through my heels up in to my legs; and sometimes my legs and hips (and feet) just HURT. I go to bed crying with them, and sometimes during the day I just have to go lie down for a while. I'm sure old age and inactivity are contributors.

Shopping


Ken and I are not folks who like to go shopping...we do not find it entertaining at all. So, in order to deal with the necessity of personal shopping we put $$ into the budget and go twice a year...late spring and late fall. By the time we go it is definitely time to replace undies, etc.

I had to go back to bed this morning to relieve the pain in my legs and feet, but I had asked Ken not to let me sleep all day because today we needed to go shopping. We went to Grapevine Mills Outlet Mall. To avoid all the nasty construction and congested traffic that is always a problem going 121, 114, etc., we went 26 thru Colleyville to Grapevine. Was a fairly pleasant way to go, except Ken did his usual freaking out because he didn't believe 26 went to Grapevine! Ken gets lost in a circle and is not adventurous at all, so he just goes bananas in this type of situation. This is why I usually drive, but I did not feel like it today.

We took our mobility scooters as there is no way we can do the malls without them.

No point in paying much $$ for clothes - we need very few dress clothes. So, first stop was Dressbarn. Oh, beautiful dresses. Fell in love more than once! BUT, didn't buy one (wear to Walmart???). Instead I found what I wanted - a pair of nice pajamas on clearance rack for 60% additional off. Scored nice PJs for $12.99 plus tax. Next stop was JCPenney outlet store - found a couple of tank shirts for $3.99 each, and some nice v-neck t-shirts for me for $4.99 and $6.99 each. Got a nice Liz Claiborne swim suit for $19.99! I didn't find any pants/shorts for me, but didn't expect to. We did find some shirts for Ken for $5.99 each and nothing more than $7.99. He also found a couple of pairs of cargo shorts for very little. Luv bargains!

Next we hunted shoes. All of my shoes are special order ortho shoes, but we needed to find new sandals for Ken. He has been wearing the same pair of Clark's sandals since about 2006 or so. They are old, nasty, rotten (not to mention the fact that Luci has chewed on them). We went into lots of stores, but finally in Off Broadway found a pair of Rockport sandals for him that are really nice looking for very little $$. Dr. Brill told him to choose Rockport or Clarks. Next we looked for replacement for his Payless sandals. He found a pair of Teva tennis shoe type sandals that he says are very comfortable. That about shot his budget!

Other than a cookie, we didn't spend any $$ on food at the mall, and didn't go in and out of all the stores - stopping instead at stores carrying items on our list. We've learned to be penney conscious since we're trying to get completely out of debt and are now living on restricted income.

Next thing we did was head to VF (Vanity Fair). I like this store because I can get jeans for me for next to nothing. Today I was looking for shorts. I found the "denim" pull-on shorts for $10.99 each pair so bought one in navy, light denim, white, and dark denim. They will last me forever - the last time I bought shorts was 10 years ago or longer and I'm still wearing some of those.

We stopped at Lane Bryant -- dadgum, they are no longer carrying the bras I wear! I found one that I hope works - it was 50% off. Then we went next door to the Hanes store...got a pkg of undies for Ken...now to clean out all the old stained ones! Still have to make it to Walmart to pick up the ones I wear by JMS.

Then headed back to the car - stopped in Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought a lint lizard. Need to get that used tomorrow. We have so many critters that the hair in this place that ends up in the washer and dryer is unbelievable.

We meant to return via 26 as well but somehow missed a turn from the mall. Ken stopped at an Auto Zone store to ask directions and the young fellow told him how to get to 26. It was a misunderstanding, because instead of taking us back the route we came, it took us to the horrible freeway mess with all the traffic congestion, stops, construction, etc. I was freaking out this time because I am terrified in all of that. In the last couple of years traffic just scares me to death. Yep, I'm old.

Dinner with Poly Peeps


By the time we got back to west Fort Worth and met up with Poly peeps at Mexican Inn for group dinner, I was a nervous wreck. I know my blood pressure had to have been 300+. I ordered a margarita on the rocks, Ken ordered one frozen. Drinks are rare for us! I had one tamale, on enchilada, no rice, no beans. And 2 bowls of chips and salsa!!! Have no idea what Ken had!

Dinner with the Poly peeps are always wonderful. Love them all. Missed all of those who were unable to make it.

Miscellaneous



Kids (Tamara and Jason) are coming next week to take care of the babies while we go on a short trip. I'm worried about leaving Luci...she doesn't know how to get by without Mommie at night. Neither does Bennie. Tamara is about the only one I will leave them with. I wish I didn't have to leave them, but the trip will be easier if they stay home since we are not taking the motorhome.

Oh, I'm now signed up with an agency for work. I've started receiving job offers and will be working those...hopefully will find something I enjoy...one is in electronics. We'll see. I really do not want to work full time. I'm also going to start putting in applications at local places like Walmart, Albertson's, Dollar Tree, whatever. Ken is also signed up with the same agency so we'll see how that works out. I think he also has something lined up with a store. We just need to bring in spending $$ because we are trying to allocate all income to setting ourselves free of debt!

Guess that's about it...now going to go take heavy dose of meds and try to sleep. Luci is begging to go to bed. (She's not allowed to go to bed when Daddy does because she is prone to accidents. Ken takes her outside at one o'clock in the morning and then she climbs in the bed and into her bed and sleeps until we wake her up about 8 a.m.

Take care - love to all

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Tuesday, April 10, 2012



HAPPENINGS AT THE HOUSE


Today has been a "take it easy" day...Ken not doing great at all, and I'm still recovering. Before I go to bed tonight I will get the kitchen cleaned up (floors). Ken washed all rugs/mats. It's been tough, but we're hanging in there. The two "nappers" caught in the pic above represent about what we got done today!

Police detectives have been out the last couple of days - they're investigating the shooting that occurred last week when someone tried to kill our neighbor ... bullet casings all in our driveway, the street in front of our house, the yard, and the neighbor's car. We have nothing to help the detectives except that I heard the shots (Ken was asleep and did not hear them). Hope they are able to piece together information. They told Ken that our neighborhood is being patrolled much more than it was previously. I guess that's a good thing but it doesn't say anything positive about our neighborhood!

New Dinner Place


We went to a different place for dinner tonight - Zorro's. I haven't been there before, and it's been about 3 years since Ken ate there. It was ok - buffet style. The food was ok, but nothing to write home about. We're looking for something to take the place of Luby's since they've gone to pot. Don't think Zorro's is the answer.

Beautiful Angel, Erin Attel


Heard from work today - the 5 year old daughter of work friends has been battling the monster that invaded her body for quite some time. Courtesy of Make a Wish she went to Disney World a few months ago, but now she is at home and she will be going to heaven soon. She has not had intake of food, etc., for four days now. I just hate this for Monica and Ed. They are such wonderful people, and Erin was one of two precious gifts after years of trying for a child. What does one say to parents of a child who is dying? How can one help? I don't think there is anything that can be done or said. I cannot imagine the pain they are suffering as they watch this child fading away. I pray she is not suffering.

Finding a Job


On another note, I got job offers today. I signed up for part-time merchandising work and have received several offers. I haven't responded...not sure about some of them. Have you seen food demonstrators? How about those people who sell cookware or knives at fairs? What about folks who go into a store to remove products from a shelf, reface and redo the products? Well, it's along those lines. Except one offer is an electronics company, but they want someone to work every day - and I don't want to. Have to do something, however, because money is t-i-g-h-t!!! Will be better next year when I'm 65 and insurance is less, and when Saturn is paid off. In the meantime, need part-time work. I may be applying at Wal-Mart, Walgreen's, or CVS as well as other close-by places. Don't care where I work - just need to bring in a little cash - and don't want to work full time.

Miscellaneous


Wanting to go on vacation, but having a hard time this year because I don't want to leave Luci and Bennie behind. Bennie is my "little boy" - hand raised, totally attached; and Luci is the little girl dog baby I should have had all these years. I fall for her more every day and so does Ken.

Oh, well, enogh old lady ramblings for today...rest well.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Sunday, April 8, 2012 - Easter

Easter Sunday



Very quiet day. I am recovering from the crud, but didn't wake up until 10:56 a.m. And now Ken has the symptoms I have had...bad sore throat, coughing, chills, etc. It is 11:13 p.m. here and Ken went to bed some time ago with one of my antibiotics and Robitussin. I hope he recovers quicker than me, and hope I don't get it again from him.

So, we got nothing done, and did nothing important. Played on the computer a bit, flipped thru TV channels. About 6 p.m. we managed to drive to Luby's for dinner. Wow! It's been about a month since we were in there and in that short amount of time the place has really gone down.

I think next Sunday we will visit a nearby church - Oakgrove Baptist. Some of my cousins go there and it is not too far - off of 1187. We are ready to get into a Bible-based/believing church. We have definitely decided to leave the church I've called my church home since 1974/75.

Butterflies



When we first moved here, my friend Penny Comparini gave us a very tiny plant - we have no idea what it is. We made the mistake of planting it next to the patio on the west side. It grew up to be as tall as the house and every year we have to cut it back because it grows so wide that it spreads under the patio cover. I'm always threatening to spray it with killer. Well guess what! This year that thing has small white blooms on it! And we have butterflies by the hundreds in that shrub! Ken keeps going out to the yard and just standing there looking at all the butterflies! I guess we won't be cutting down that one after all.

Landscaping



Tomorrow we start cutting down the two evergreens in the back - one by each patio post. They died due to the drought last year. No matter how much Ken watered them, they just didn't make it. They are very big, so we will just start cutting branches and sawing on them until we get them down small enough to dig out. It is so sad to see them go. Ken planted those about the first summer we were here - in 2002.

Most everything in the yard has been planted as a celebration - the birth of a grandchild, a special day, etc. So it hurts to see things go. We are excited, however, that several things are coming back -- we thought for sure the maiden grass was dead, and thought the rose bush by the mail box was gone. but both are greening up! The tree in the front has leaves, and the crepe myrtle in the back is already green! We've got to trim the wisteria...unfortunately almost all the pretty part of it is in the neighbors back yard, having grown over the fence. Still, we've got to cut back dead branches. And we need to transplant lots of jew from the front yard to the front tree bed. It helps hold in moisture so we want lot of it under that tree. We had to put out ant killer last week and are having to wait before we can do anything else. All the grass that Ken put in last year died in the drought, so we have to get more. And we've got to get fertilizer out on the yard, along with flea and tick treatment.

We're thinking about possibly putting in a small above ground pool - maybe 15' x 48". We'll see. We've got to see if we have enough level yard for that. At the same time we're thinking about saying to heck with all of it and moving into an apartment or buying a condo. Just do not want all this maintenance any more, but then again...

So, so much for today. Hopefully tomorrow will be the beginning of a better week. Love to all...

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Emergency Room Drama



Could not take the sickness any more. We called Dr. F. yesterday about noon and he sent me to the ER at Baylor (I am a transplant patient at Baylor). The signs of rejection are very similar to those of the flu so he wanted blood work and chest x-rays.

Never been seen as quickly as I was yesterday. When we walked in, told them our reason for being there, I was immediately tagged (bracelets) and moved to an ER room. I was immediately seen, blood work drawn, x-rays done, meds checked out, etc. Then the waiting began for results.

In the meantime a gentleman in the curtained room next to me was moved to a hospital room. A younger man was brought in by ambulance. He had physical injuries and was talking out of his head, kept calling for Jessica. He was told there was no one there by that name. Turns out he had been in a fight. Jessica is supposedly his wife. Guess he caught her with her boyfriend and he got hurt in the ordeal. But he was so out of his head that he thought everybody was lying to him about Jessica not being there. So he got out of his bed and was coming into MY curtained off area. Needless to say Ken wasn't happy about that at all - Ken's not strong enough to fight him off, and I'm in there on a gurney in nothing but a hospital gown. The nursing staff finally got him back in his bed and then had to get security to come take care of the fellow and restrain him. They finally got an IV line into him and gave him some meds so they could get him settled down.

My situation turned out to be ok. No pneumonia; no bacterial infection; kidney function great. Blood sugar was over 400 so had to stay there until it started downward trend. Have no idea why it would be over 400 - I had nothing to eat but a one package bowl of oatmeal with raisins (no sugar, no sweetner) yesterday morning. Oh, I did have a diet coke and a package of crackers around noon. Suspect is caused by the steroids and additional antibiotics. I was discharged home; should be better in about six weeks (takes a long time for those of us with no immune system).

We stopped at Braum's on the way home (we left hospital about 7) and then we drove home thru the Ryan Place neighborhood so we could see the new roundabouts put in to slow down thru traffic. I was thrilled to make it back to the house and now can get Ken to stop hovering over me every time I ego into a deep coughing spell. Must admit I will be glad to get over this - I am tired of peeing my britches all the time - that's exactly what happens when I have one of the coughing episodes.

Oh, did get a new inhaler for the asthma. It's albuterol sulfate - glad the nurse told Ken it would cause me to shake/tremble. Otherwise he would freak out.

That being said, I haven't done anything of value thus far today. I've been told not to do anything physical, so I think instead I'll work on some of my quilting projects.

Family Hell Again



My husband was talking with his sister and learned that his dad (be 92 in May) has been in the hospital this week having his pacemaker changed out. DH knew nothing about it - no one bothered to tell him. The sister (who lives out of town) said, "He didn't want anybody to know about it." So DH says something like, "Well, you knew." To which the sister promptly said she had to go - she's out of town. What DH suspects is that she is in THIS town with the dad. So now Ken is all upset, crying, depressed, and his weekend has been ruined.

Ken's family has nothing to do with him; his son and wife decided in 2009 that DH is not worthy of being a part of his family and let him know that he will never be a part of his child's life (born in January 2010). DH has never seen the baby, etc. The entire rest of the family conspired to keep the news from Ken and to further keep DH excommunicated from the family. What makes me so mad is that just about the time he adjusts to that, somebody communicates with DH and lets him know that this or that is happening, etc., and then DH (who is under the care of MHMR and docs due to depression, etc.) gets all down again. I wish if the damn family was going to treat him so cruely by not allowing him to be part of the family that they would all just leave him the hell alone completely. I can guarantee if DH kicks off before me that I will never notify a damn one of them about his passing. I have watched how this family treats DH for over 10 years. He doesn't deserve it.

Hopefully the day will get better. It's beautiful outside.

Bluebonnets at Dutch Branch Park, Benbrook Lake




We needed to do something to get back into good spirits, so we loaded up the doggies (Maggie, Bennie, and Luci) and drove out to Dutch Branch Park at Benbrook lake. We drove around a bit, took a few pics of the bluebonnets (everywhere this year!), got out at one of the lake areas to let the dogs enjoy seeing something different, and then came home in much better spirits. We really need to do that more often.

This is Daddy doing the "doggie dance." Maggie and Bennie always get wrapped around each other, us, and whatever pole or obstacle is in the way.
Luci Grace had a blast. This was her first outing other than going to the vet. And now she is completely tuckered out. She definitely needs a bath! And so do the other two, but Luci is the only one I can bathe myself. (Maggie is the black spaniel; Bennie Jo is the dachshund.)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Made it out of the house today...first time since March 20. Went to Dr. S. with K. Nothing done to stop the screaming back pain. K has to have another MRI.

After K's doc appointment, we went to Mexican Inn for lunch. Friend Gwen came in shortly afterward. Was so good to see her. Then shortly afterward friend Lindy and his daughter Kate came in (check out http://www.adlerandhearne.com/?section=bio). Good to see them, too, since Kate had a horrible wreck out on 820 east yesterday right in the time of the horrible weather. Totaled her car, but she walked away. Had to go for x-rays today, but so far so good. Thank goodness!

Next stop for us was Luck Optical. I am quite obsessed with my eye glasses because for a few years my sight was so bad I couldn't get a prescription. Thanks to Dr. Matthews my eyes are improved to the point I can have glasses. Good thing, because last year was time to renew my driver's license...I failed the eye test. So between Dr. Matthews and the doc at Luck they came up with glasses for me! I went back and passed the test. Anyway, the right lens kept popping out of my frame...the Luck tech fixed that in less than 30 minutes.

Next stop was the lobby of Luck where we borrowed seating while we made a call to my kidney transplant doc's office. I spilled the beans about being so very sick and I got my hand slapped a bit about not having contacted before today since I've been ill since March 20. She told me she would talk to the doc and call me back before closing today.

On to Garden Ridge. I was looking for two quilts that are alike that I can use to make cushion and arm covers for our sofa and love seat. I have to protect them from the fur children. We found a couple, but I'm not completely happy with them, so we'll look again when I'm feeling a bit better. But while there Dr. F's nurse called back...said she was calling in two prescriptions. We picked those up on the way home.

So, about 6:30 we left the house again to go to Palio's Pizza where we each got a personal pizza...mine was the Hawaiian Surprise except I added chicken. Have no idea what Ken got except he added jalapinos to it!

And that's about it for now...my evening will be filled with shuffling through the stack of bills and spending the rest of the monthly retirement check to pay them. Grrrr!!!

Oh, I got a lead on a job today...I'm going to check it out. It won't be much, but will give me a little bit of income (spare change for the sewing hobby), and get me out of the house.

Take care, God bless everyone, be safe, and much love to my children and grandchildren.