Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Been awake since about 4:30 -- another nightmare involving my children so woke up screaming.  Not sure how much longer I can endure the nightmares.  They seem to be getting worse.  I know it's the meds, and the meds are not going to change, but this is getting intolerable.

Stress level is high.  I told Ken back a few months ago that if I had to give up retirement (which I have earned, he hasn't), that it was not going to be a good thing for him.  Sure enough, instead of HIM working, I am.  And while I am doing something I've always wanted to do (teach and work with underprivileged women), I'm not going to do this and support his non-working ass.  I've been supporting him and dealing with the financial mess he made when he decided to commit suicide in February of 2009 and ruined me in the process.  I should be the one at home enjoying my retirement years, playing with my sewing machines and doing whatever I want to, but instead I'm out earning the extra dollars.  Every time I look at him I get pissed off about it.  And then he has the audacity during the day to send me text messages about, "I'm going to lunch with Chuck and Dave."  "I'm meeting Chuck and Dave for coffee."  Screw Chuck and Dave -- get your ass out and find a job.

Granted, Ken gets a disability check, but his check barely covers his personal BS - car payment, auto insurance, health insurance (supplemental to Medicare), his personal expenses (gas, toiletries, attorney/court fees), his payment on the loan he took out back in 2008 that I knew nothing about, and his prescriptions.  It pays nothing toward living expenses so he has been a parasite on me since 2009.  

Whew, I feel better since I vented on that subject!!!  Wonder what the heck else is bothering me!!!

Had a new class start on Monday -- another one of those classes where a couple of them have NO business being in the class!!!  OMG!  Where do these people come from????  I don't understand counselors who are referring them to the classes!  These are sweet ladies, and I believe everyone has capabilities of some kind, but not everyone belongs in a keyboarding or computer class.  Hopefully this will become a better class than I am anticipating.

The morning class I took over is not doing well at all.  They have been in keyboarding for 2 hours per day for 11 sessions and only two of them can type.  I'm not sure what to do with them, but I am going to talk to my superiors about this class this morning.  Again, they are sweet ladies, but they need to be able to type before we move into Word.  We started Word yesterday and one of the first things we do each lesson is a keyboarding exercise - typing paragraphs and eventually whole pages.  I had them print them off so I could check/grade them.  They are pitiful.  We need to start their typing class over.  This is probably not their fault.  This class started with the other instructor who became so ill (cancer), was taught hit and miss by our founder/director, and has now been taken over by me.  I am their first regular instructor.  I think they could benefit from re-doing the keyboarding module.  That is going to be my suggestion today.  

Haven't had time to stop to smell the roses lately.  Thankfully I'm off on Fridays right now so it gives me a bit of time to recuperate.  Right now I guess I better shower and go to work.  Of course has decided to go into the bathroom to do his business right at the time I need to take a shower, so I won't be able to get in there for another half hour.  And now he has decided to take a shower!  WHY?  So he'll be clean when he goes to lunch with Chuck and Dave 4-5 hours from now?  GRRRR!!!

Oh, well, at least it's Wednesday.  

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Happy/exciting/sad week. My first computer class completed yesterday with students taking their big final 3-part test. They all passed, although they were all nervous about taking it. It was exciting for them and I was sad to see them go. I will never forget them - the ones who actually finished the 7 week program worked very hard, were there all the time, and there was a great bond formed. I took them out for lunch today (they invited me to go with them and I surprised them by buying their lunch).

 I am hacked with Texas Workforce Commission because I started asking 3 weeks ago about the computers promised to my students and haven't heard a word about them yet. Naturally the students don't trust TX Workforce and don't believe they will ever get them. I tend to agree with them.

This morning I took over a morning class. This class began a couple of weeks ago, being taught by the other paid day teacher who is now out due to the huge mass that was found on her liver. She is still in the hospital and chemo is being shot straight to the mass in hope it will kill it. Our founder and executive director has been teaching the morning class in the teacher's absence, but asked me to take it over as she does not have the time to do it. So, guess I'll continue working for a while.

In addition, I have a new class starting on Monday afternoon from 1-3. This class would also be taught by the other teacher under ordinary circumstances. If/when the teacher returns to work she will take over the class if we are not finished before then. Our organization will have other classes starting with Texas Workforce - target date is October 15. I'm supposed to teach those - we'll see what happens, because we also have another class starting at our facility on October 22! We gotta get another instructor!

Oh, today I got to review the class/teacher assessments the students completed. The class and I received glowing reviews except as provided by one student, and hers were downright mean (honest?). This was my student who interrupted me no matter who I was speaking to, didn't care what I was trying to teach, became impatient because other class members asked questions or needed additional explanation about how to do something, etc. Anyway, I have to let her comments/review roll off my back. It's just that she works with the wife of my former boss and I don't want them thinking I'm an idiot; I'm sure she has been telling my former boss' wife that I am.

So, with that I guess I'll let it go and get on with the next classes. I learned a lot, and quite frankly endured a lot that I won't put up with in the future - and I've made that clear to the boss. Life goes on.

 Miss my children - constant refrain that will never end. Think about them every moment of every day as I have since the day I learned they were on the way. That also means I miss the grandchildren, because they are a part of my children.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A fairly good day. Class was good. A student who missed most of last week and was out again yesterday came back to class today. Hopefully it will be possible to learn the material and make up the work...I don't have the time to teach a one-on-one class. Another student who has been out week before last as well as last week and this is supposedly going to be in class tomorrow. Some way I have got to control the class so that these two are not working on make up work during class. The lady in charge of instructors and curriculum advised me to have everyone turn off their monitors while we are doing the lesson. I believe that is what I will do.

Afternoon class is going well since a couple of students dropped. Amazing how just one or two students can interrupt the class. We've been able to get so much more done since these two dropped.

We are in the last days of the program. Surprising how much they have learned in just six weeks. They will finish next week (BIG test). I don't know yet when they will get their cute little notebook computers, but it won't be long. Class graduation should take place in October some time.

So, what else? I made a HUGE "taco" salad last night -- the recipe some of us used to make back in the early 70's for church parties. It has a pound of browned ground beef, diced chicken (I buy the already cooked fajita chicken), tomato, onion, a can of Ranch Style beans drained and rinsed, a bag of salad (lettuce, carrots, radishes, mix), crushed fritos, and seasonings -- chili powder, salt/pepper, and garlic powder. It is all mixed up with Catalina dressing added a bit at a time so it is not "drowning." We had it for dinner last night and I took more for lunch today. Yummy. Gives me the extra protein they want me to have plus isn't really all that bad for me.

Other than that -- my identity has been stolen. Credit cards have been taken out in my name, plus whoever has attempted to open a Bill Me Later financial account via WebBank. Fortunately WebBank rejected the request because of "incomplete information or inaccurate information or the circumstances may have suggested that the purchase was not made by you." I've been busy contacting the various companies, the credit bureaus, and have made a police report. Suppossedly there will be an investigation by the credit card companies and they will supply me with the information of who did this and I can then prosecute them. Pain in the behind. We are watching our bank account closely and have alerts out at all three credit bureaus via phone plus today Ken mailed letters to each of them. Hopefully we're covered.

Oh, we saw my cousin's son and his little boy on Sunday. We had a sewing machine to give to his wife so we met up with the two at my place of business for delivery. First time we've seen the little boy since reunion a couple of years ago. A real sweetie.

That's about it. I've got papers to review and grade in preparation for class tomorrow...getting close to end so have to get averages figured out. I'll go in for a while this weekend to get that done.

Take care...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Wow, summer is over - finally. Not sure I could have tolerated another week of the intense heat!

It's been a little bit since I've posted anything here...been far too busy. I am up at 6 every morning, out the door by 8 or earlier, at work by 8:30 where I immediately start entering attendance and grades, then class starts at 9. I teach from 9 to 11:00 and then from 11:00 to 12:00 we do assignments in class. My patience is wearing thin because students don't come to class and then hand in "make up" work which resembles ... well, most people know what I mean. Or, they don't hand in anything when its due but want me to accept work a week or two late.

Anyway, I'm supposed to have from 11:30 to 12:10 for lunch, but I've been giving up my lunch period to help students so they can understand how to do assignments. Then I drive like a bat out of you know where to the south side of FW to the Tx Workforce center where I go through it all again with the afternoon class. Except the afternoon experience is far worse than the morning experience. I've been yelled at by students, told everything is my fault they don't understand something, been expected to give them credit when they've done NO work, and on and on. I've resolved I will never do this again although I've been assured they've never had a class like this before. Well of course they haven't! I'm teaching the first one!

I finally get home about 4:45, strip down to just about nothing and crawl in the bed where I want to stay but can't because immediately upon arrival home Ken starts in on, "What are we going to do about dinner?" Quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a rat's ____ about dinner! Shove it! He's had all day to have done something about what the HHHH is going to be done about dinner, but he waits 'til I get home...because he's been busy all day either going to have breakfast/lunch/whatever with Chuck and Dave or playing on Farmville, or otherwise piddling around. I will give him credit for something -- he finally did get bored enough that he made his way down to First Street Mission (part of FUMC where we are members) and has been doing volunteer work there as well as Goodwill. But most of the time his time is his own.

I spend about 2 hours in the evening grading papers. Don't know why I bother...students are cheating (copying) assignments. For Excel they have to email their work so I can see if they have the correct formulas, functions, formatting in them. I got one that sweetly says, "Here is my assignment for ________. Hope you find this acceptable." I immediately returned it saying it was unacceptable. The email I got back wondered WHY it was unacceptable. My response? "You failed to remove ____________'s name from the bottom of the page before you sent it to me." Obviously copied. And I constantly get papers from two students that are identical errors...they live 5 minutes from one another so of course they cheat. They think I'm stupid. Welcome to the world of teaching adult education!!!

During all this time I've been very ill, of course. Glucose/blood sugar levels have been extremely high...raging at 450 plus (normal is 75 to 125). I went to endocrinologist (Wilson) on Friday after classes bawling because I am so sick with this. I'm on a strict watch til Tuesday when I will send numbers to him so we can continue to adjust the amounts of insulin I am taking. He says my "receptors" are just so numb with the high sugars for such a long time (years) that it is going to take a LOT of insulin to get them in line (whatever the hell that means). But he also says that we can get it to happen...we just have to find the correct amount of insulin and that once we can bring the sugars into a more consistent lower level that we can then start reducing the amount of insulin.

Haven't done anything fun -- been far too hot. Haven't seen family of course - nor heard from them either. No point in crying over it...they don't give a damn what happens to me. Other people all around me talking about their children and grandchildren and family things and I never join in...so they asked me if I have any children/grandchildren. I just tell them I used to. I don't have any pictures any more to share with anybody, and the ones I have are so old that I just took them all down. Youngest daughter's high school graduation picture fell off the wall and the glass/frame broke so I took that as a sign and just took down all the pictures of the kids and grandkids so that I don't have to cry every time I see them.

Hopefully, now that it's fall, we can do something. We look forward to going to the fair (need new batteries for the scooters), and maybe a trip to the coast. We have to save money this year and early next year because we will be going to Colorado for a while because of granddaughter's high school graduation (still in contact with son and his family). She's excited about her senior year and I'm in a state of shock that she's a senior! All gifts this year to her are to be $$ because son and DIL are planning her senior trip, considering the U.S. Virgin Islands.

Gotta run -- really nothing going on in my life worth telling. I've got to scoot over to the office this afternoon and get grades entered. This class will finish in about two weeks so trying to get caught up. Afterwards I'm coming home and going to make an old taco salad recipe...the one using crushed fritos, hamburger meat, cheese, tomato, salad, onion, whatever, and catalina dressing. That will be it for my cooking this weekend! Then I'll do a load of laundry so I can get back to work tomorrow.

Adios. Take care.