Easter Sunday, March 31, 2013

My daddy was born 99 years ago today - March 31, 1914.  Happy birthday in heaven, Daddy.  Seems impossible you are gone and not putting on your suit and tie to go to church today - this was your favorite Sunday of the year although you went to everyone of them.

Easter - I looked forward to it this year.  We visited a different church last week and loved it.  We made plans to go today.  We bought Ken a new GOOD white dress shirt, he put his outfit together with his black jacket and nice new dress pants, laid out his tie, got his shoes ready.  I was hoping against all hope that things would be ok today - that we would really be able to go again.  I knew, however, when I woke up that Ken was in one of his mental states.  But I was hoping it would calm down, smooth over.  He took a shower, got ready.  Then while I was getting ready he started in with his "franticness."  You see, my husband has mental issues.  He's been in a program with MHMR for 2 years now and that has helped some, and he has been under the care of a psychiatrist since 2009.  But the meds don't work when he gets in one of his states.  

I showered and started getting dressed but I could tell he was working up to some sort of episode.  Once I was dressed and ready except for putting on my necklace, Ken came to help me.  I could tell by his actions it was not going to be a good day.  He was too aggravated with simple things.  And he was rough when he attempted to put on the pearls.  I told him to forget it I would wear something else or go without, but once he gets in a tizzy, nothing stops him.  I told him I didn't want to be mistreated today...he doesn't listen.  

We finally made it out the door, in the car, and down the street to the church.  Parking lot was full, Ken was nasty about it.  We made our way into the church, in the foyer, but Ken was acting ugly.  He exploded when I asked if he had brought the free coupon the church had sent us...the church has a coffee bar much like Starbucks and they send visitors a coupon good for a cup of special coffee.  I knew right then I could not go in the sanctuary with him, told him so, and turned around to walk back to the entrance so we could leave.  I had to let him know in no uncertain terms that I could not go to church with him behaving the way he was.  I asked him to calm down.,but he kept getting louder and worse.  He finally threw his fit right in the foyer in front of al kinds of people, threw open the church house doors and slammed them on his way out, and started yelling outside the church.  I tried to stay calm as he headed for the car and I walked at a normal pace to the car.  When I got there he was slamming the car seats, yanking off his jacket, acting like a 2 year old brat, and about to hot rod his way out of the parking lot.  I refused to get into the car.  No way am I riding with him when he is like this.  I finally convinced him to give me the keys and let me drive home.  He finally did.  So, we are home.  I've told him to call his counselor, do whatever it takes, but whatever he does he is to stay away from me today.  I don't want him in my face, speaking to me, coming around me at all.  I've taken all the nastiness I can from this SOB today.

Ken belongs in a mental hospital.   He needs full time care to keep him on an even keel.  I can't do this any more; can't live my life this way.  Unfortunately there is no $$ for him to go to a facility - which is where he should have been all this time.  And the scary part?  MHMR says he has finished the program -- he will be released in April.  Dear God, I can't believe anyone would release him

So, what else?  Hard to think when this kind of stuff overshadows everything else in life.  Mostly same ol' same ol'.  But yesterday we went to a birthday party for my great great niece Madison, daughter of my great niece Lindsey.  The party was at the park and we had a really nice time.  I made a birthday bag for her.  This is it.

5" patches, quilted to batting, and lined.  This is the front.

Other side

One big pocket inside.  Perfect size for 4 year old to carry treasures.