I should be doing some things around the house but am taking it easy instead. I slept in today - it was after 11 when I was awakened by our barking dogs...they delight in doing this but at least today it wasn't at 6 or 7 or 8. Of course I did not close my eyes until about 4 a.m. - I don't seem to sleep much at night...too many stresses.
Yesterday was Needlework Club (at Woman's Club of Fort Worth) day. Instead of knitting or crochet or embroidery I took my vintage Singer 99 handcrank sewing machine. I did finally manage to get the first border sewn onto a quilt top I took, but the first half of the gathering was spent with other members checking out the machine. A couple of them tried it out. I found it funny that they asked where to get parts for it, attachments, etc. It's a Singer sewing machine...low shank. Parts and attachments readily available. It's a straight stitch machine without reverse. The only difference is that it is people powered, not motor powered. It's perfect for taking to Needlework because there is no necessity to string electrical cords across the floor which is quite dangerous where we meet. Someone might fall over them.
I've looked at a few of my unfinished sewing/quilting projects and am going to get some of those finished, I hope, the first part of the year. The Cranky Treadler retreat is going to be 1.5 weeks from now and I can hardly wait to go. It lasts 3 days and is just a fun time for us "girls" to have a good time visiting and sewing. But first, a week from today K and I are supposed to travel to Tyler with my Julia Jackson co-members for a tour of one of the old beautiful homes and gardens, lunch, and then a tour of the civil war picture exhibits. One of our members is the curator. Afterward there will be a visit to the cemetery. Tyler was an important place during the Civil War. We are looking forward to going while having second thoughts. We are to meet at 10 a.m., and it is a 2.5 hour drive. We will need to be on the road at 7 (and that is after we pick up people riding with us), so means we need to be up at 5. We don't do 5 a.m. any more - haven't since retirement. It also means that there is a 2.5 hour drive home so it will be a very long day. K and I do not do well together when we are tired and stressed.
Guess this is as good a place as any to throw in something that has gone on this year. I was so very ill this year, vascular surgery in February, never got over it and went downhill from there instead. Lengthy hospitalization in March with abscessed abdomen and kidney problem, and discharged to lengthy long-term home care, only to be hospitalized again because of food poisoning which set the whole thing in motion again. Due to the necessity of having to have a CT scan with contrast during that time, the docs told me kidney function will probably be lost - in the transplanted kidney received in 2008. A psychiatrist/psychologist was also sent to visit with me to help me understand what is probably going to be my future (or lack thereof). I was sent home with the "get your stuff in order" advisement. I've never told that to K...he doesn't need to know, and I can't put up with the stress from him if he does know. And I've not told my kids. Instead I've just been sickly. Way too much has gone on this past year for anyone to be concentrating on what's happening to me. Death of my oldest brother so soon after the death of my other brother, etc. But, I have done some things in preparation.
I've purchased "final expense" insurance for both K and me. No worries about place of burial - we will be buried "at home" - which means we will be buried at Evergreen Cemetery in Lipan, Texas alongside my mother, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousin. I've also purchased a beautiful pink suit which is hanging in my closet with the tags still on it. I will be buried in a pink suit like my mother. Hopefully with no clown make up on! I've also gone so far as to order the Susie Orman kit for organizing records (Wills, POA's, etc.). Hasn't happened yet, but will. I've also become complacent as to whether or not any of this ever gets done. Why worry about it...just let somebody else take care of it when I'm gone. Nothing seems to matter any more.
After returning from vacation K and I were pretty worn out. Took us a bit of time to recover. But, we finished up classes with Agape Christian Women's Job Corp (I teach computer skills, K assists me sometimes by doing one-on-one student assistance as necessary). There was a very nice graduation ceremony (K worked the kitchen on that one...I was not only an advisory board member, instructor, but provided the gathering and marching piano music for graduation.). We went about our business as usual. In early November I attended the UDC meeting...sat next to a lady who was coughing/hacking/blowing/sneezing. Needless to say, within 24 hours I was completely down (my immune system is kept tamped down by anti-rejection meds). But this time was so bad. K kept trying to get me to go to the hospital...I refused. I did finally call the doc and got meds and refill for my inhaler. He didn't want to put me in the hospital because there were way too many sick folks there. Within a very few days after I became ill, K came down with it as well. We were both completely down, to the point that we needed help. I finally said we needed help. I knew it would do no good to ask for help from my family, but friends Denise and Gary came to help us. They brought wonderful chicken noodle soup to feed us to try to get us better.
During all of this going on, we were contacted by one of my high school classmates about a little dog that needed a home. We said no, but couldn't stand the idea of the little dog being placed in a shelter so relented and said yes. As sick as we were we drove to Granbury and picked him up. We all crashed as soon as we got back home. His name is Micky (it used to be Tator Tot but I didn't/don't like that name), he's got a lot of poodle in him and who knows what else. He's an escape artist so we have to be careful about having doors open, and even have to walk him in the back yard with a leash on him because he has escaped out the back yard while K had him and the other two out for a potty break. He's a cutie...a real sweetie, but he is NOT house broken and that is something I cannot abide. We were told he was trained, but he isn't. We were also told he was socialized, but he wasn't. He's now working on potty training, but wears a diaper in the house. And he is good friends with Luci and Bennie and the cats. He will do fine.
Thanksgiving came and went. K works on major holidays...so he was at the ATT stadium the entire day. We had our small Thanksgiving celebration on Friday instead of Thursday - just the two of us. We probably should have gone to Cracker Barrel and been done with it but we knew Friday would be pure hell with all the shoppers out and about so we did not go out. We had been planning to do shopping ourselves (I always do Christmas shopping after Thanksgiving, although I may buy a few things earlier in the month). This year, however, instead of buying gifts for everyone we had to have the heating unit in the house repaired earlier in November. Dang thing was blowing cold air on those COLD days! So all the money we put aside all year for Christmas was spent on that and the IRS instead. November was really, really tough financially. We were eating whatever we could find in the pantry and freezer the last part of the month. We could hardly wait until December $$ came in so we could buy groceries.
So, no gifts this year for children and grandchildren. I guess it's just as well. We haven't seen the daughters and grandchildren in a very long time. Fortunately we are still in touch with my son and his family. Kinda hard to want to buy gifts for those who don't really want anything to do with you. I had to come to some pretty hard decisions this year, had to decide to stop trying to have a relationship with those who don't want me in their lives. It's been terribly hard. But I made up my mind I would not cry my way through the holidays this year, and I didn't - but wanted to. I still find it unimaginable that I have no relationship with the babies I birthed and raised on my own by myself. But there is nothing I can do to change that, and I've given up praying about it because I don't think God is listening to me. I've lost all faith.
I received a nice Christmas gift from my DAR chapter...a chapter certificate for my 10 year membership anniversary. My anniversary was in April of 2014, so it was about time. I have the anniversary pin already on my ribbon. Soon I am going to order the national certificate. Normally the chapter does not order these until a 20 year anniversary but I really don't expect to ever receive one of those so this one is important to me. It will be worth paying the required $10 fee to have the national paper in my book.
Guess it's true, we tend to rally before we kick off -- or, if the gods smile upon us we have more time than was originally thought. I have to go for a checkup and tests with the kidney team this month as well as with the endocrinologist to be sure. I may have escaped the grim reaper for a bit longer although I am dealing with issues. Diapers are a part of my daily life now, and no matter how many probiotics and other meds I'm given, I have no warning or control over my bowel system. I will be having another colonoscopy, but as the doctors say, they have no idea what is causing this except meds, my health situation, etc. Immodium has become my drug of choice, and whenever possible I stay close to the lady's room because it hits and there is nothing I can do except cry. Guess that's a little too much information, but it is a fact of life and I've been dealing with it for such a long time and it just gets worse.
I've been cleaning out various things around here, including vintage sewing machines (sold two of them, hope to sell more). And I sold our coffee table and end tables. I have hated them since the day they came in the house! I've also envisioned and finally have a plan for decorating the den. I despise the sofa and love seat we have so in a very short time I will sell those. I plan to replace them with something similar to what we had in the past which is far more comfortable! I'm going to put my house back "my way" which is country/cottage/vintage style. I've finally found the drapes I want (of course they are Laura Ashley). I'm waiting for those to arrive so I can pick out other things. I'm going to have the den and kitchen painted a silver blue that hopefully won't clash with the denim blue in the rest of the house. Yep, I'm going back to my blues. I have a braided rug (9x12) in the blues spotted...just need to save a bit of cash to buy it. I'm going to paint the two shelving units of our entertainment center along with a tv cabinet that will sit between them. (We can't use the original center unit as it will not hold our larger flat screen television.) I'm also going to ditch about half the crap on those shelves (look out Ken, your stuff is going away!). Likewise I'm going to paint the china cabinet that is in that room that holds all of my milk glass collection. That cabinet was purchased in 1968 and it needs to be redone. Again, waiting on drapes to arrive before choosing colors to paint...but can get started on priming pieces as soon as K is home one day to help me haul pieces to the garage. Haven't told him about any of this...don't want to put up with the arguing and negativity that will come with him knowing about it. He will know as things progress - it's the best way. Otherwise he gets in a tizzy, stresses, gets so crazy I can't get anything done. As the docs say, just tell him one thing at a time. So that's what I try to do.
I am currently Correspondence Secretary for the DAR chapter, Recording Secretary for UDC chapter, Historian for USD1812, and Historian and Yearbook Committee chair for Woman's Shakespeare. I was contacted earlier this week by the Publicist for USD1812 asking if I am willing to train to do her work. My reaction is to say, "You people DO realize that I am dying?" The answer is, of course, you're not gone yet. So I said yes. I must be out of my mind! I intend to continue doing as much as I can for as long as I can. In fact, I was asked if I would be a delegate to Washington D.C. in June and I said yes! So in the midst of planning my own demise I am also planning a trip to Washington. I've always wanted to go, and when it was brought up K said go for it. He's been there, I never have. And this may be my last opportunity (if I make it). (To make the trip to Washington means my system has to be cleaned, only certain food intake, and being extremely careful digestive wise for the week before and during...and alot of finger crossing, hoping and praying.)
That's it. There's no real news. Life is hard. And it's getting harder.
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