I'm afraid I contributed to her heartache without meaning to. In using my phone to send several pictures of Joe's visitation to a cousin in Louisiana, I accidentally got one of them posted to FB instead of private message. Unfortunately it was one of him in the casket. Although I deleted it immedately upon learning about it, I certainly managed to alienate the family with that screw up! They were hurt by it and naturally upset by it - I would have been, too. I wouldn't have hurt them for the world, not any of them. I care way too much for all of them. I wish I could undo the damage. All I know to do is ask forgiveness.
K and I got to the cemetery early (graveside service only). We were standing outside the car so we were not burning gasoline running the a/c. Someone in a car across from us got out of his car and asked if I was Dorthy. He asked me if I knew who he was - but I didn't. When he introduced himself I was shocked. He was my boyfriend from way back when I was 13-15 years old! He was older than me and decided to join the Navy so of course we went our separate ways. In my mind I remember him, but I didn't remember him in person at all.
K and I got to the cemetery early (graveside service only). We were standing outside the car so we were not burning gasoline running the a/c. Someone in a car across from us got out of his car and asked if I was Dorthy. He asked me if I knew who he was - but I didn't. When he introduced himself I was shocked. He was my boyfriend from way back when I was 13-15 years old! He was older than me and decided to join the Navy so of course we went our separate ways. In my mind I remember him, but I didn't remember him in person at all.
Thought we were going to go out of town a couple of days to relieve pressure for a bit, but as it turns out, K made plans with his guy friends and I decided to stay around the house. With losing both of my brothers in less than a year, I realize that time is pretty short. Has made me think about things a lot - like why in the world save things for "some day"? Such as the good rugs we keep rolled up in the front bedroom and put out only when company comes. So I pulled out the large one and put it down in the den in the sofa/tv area. Might as well use things up/wear things out. No point in protecting them any more!
Today's been nice - it has rained most of the afternoon...in fact, it has been flash flooding. Our yard is singing in delight - what's left of it after the drought the past couple of years. We've got to get out and seed or sod the yard...we barely have grass. But lots of weeds! Got to get after it. Maybe I can work out some pain, depression, or whatever by working in the yard. I've got to do shrub trimming as well - K doesn't do that...he doesn't do a good job of it.
When I'm stressed or life is crushing in around me, I tend to handle it by either curling up in a ball inside, or withdrawing completely, or a combination of anxiety and activity. When K woke me up on the 19th to let me know Joe had died, I was just numb. I knew it was going to happen, and knew that he was ok, that the sadness to come was going to be for those of us left behind. But all I wanted to do was cry. I knew I couldn't go to his family because they had far too much to get through, and even though I'm his sister, I knew the right thing for me to do was to allow his family be together without me being around in the way. I guess I went into the "anxiety and activity" mode, knew I had to keep myself occupied. I had started stitching the binding on a table cover for my Singer 66 treadle machine at Needlework on Tuesday. I spent the days after Joe died in my big rocker in the bedroom in front of the double window using the natural light to help me see where to put the blind hem stitching, and in my mind and heart went through the days and years of my childhood family. And that's how my heart really said goodbye to my big brother. I managed to get it finished and it is now on the machine. I also managed to put together the crochet blocks of another table cover. These blocks have been completed for 2 - 4 years. It's now as finished as its ever going to be - with lots of mistakes in it - and its waiting to be washed and blocked. I don't care that it has mistakes in it...those just represent many mistakes of life. It's just going over a vintage sewing machine cabinet so it will be ok. A pic of the rooster table cover is included here.
I've also started uploading my digital pictures to Walgreens and having 4x6 prints made of the ones I want to keep. I decided to get them all printed and into plastic sleeves in notebooks regardless of whether or not they are in chronological order. I think its better to do it this way than to just let them be lost in space when I pass on. Maybe someone will want them. Who knows. At least they'll be available. I wish I had some current good ones of my kids and grandkids because I would like to display them. I took down all the ones I had before because they were so out of date.
With all the deep cleaning that's been done around here in the last month - and not quite finished - I decided when my former cleaning lady called to let her come out for a usual cleaning. The house was not that bad - I had spent my time taking everything imaginable apart to clean "my" way. I was quite shocked when she let me know after her girls had finished that it would be $145 since it had been so long since she had been there. I let her know that wasn't going to happen since the house had not been bad when they came to clean. I also let her know that it would be the last time I would use her...I'll be cleaning it myself from now on. That's because when I took the house apart to clean I discovered SO much had not been cleaned while using the team. Guess I'll save myself $200+ per month doing that. I need the exercise anyway. I do one room a day so it's not a big thing. For instance, I took an entire day to clean the master bedroom - took the bed completely apart to clean, cleaned the bed as well as the floor and baseboards. I did this heavy part while K was at the mission one day. Here are pics of the bed part of the room! (Got rid of plastic plants!) I wrested that king size mattress and the foundation pieces by myself. That's BJ testing it out to make sure all is ok. I've been doing this type of cleaning all the way through the house. Have more to go. Getting rid of things, cleaning out. Going to go through things every time I clean a room again and just keep on getting rid of stuff! Of course there are some things that I will hold on to forever.
So what else has been happening? We got news that K is being awarded some sort of something or other by the SCV camp. He's southerner by marriage so is an auxiliary member of the camp, and supposedly he is receiving the first-ever something or other awarded to an auxiliary member. We'll find out at the meeting on Tuesday, July 1. Hope I remember to take pictures.
Speaking of organizations, I was elected Recording Secretary for the Julia Jackson chapter of the UDC. Installation was held in May. I'm including some funny pictures - K nor I are the best picture snappers! I was asked to provide piano interlude during the military service award ceremony - K managed to get only one picture...and he took it while I was trying to get the music spread out before I began playing. Oh well, in a hundred years it won't matter. Just comical. And then there's the pic of me as Recording Secretary with our newly installed President, Betty. It was hat day for our May closing luncheon/military service awards ceremony/installation of new officers. I had a better internal image of myself in that dang fascinator than what it appears here! (lol) The dress is my new one for the year. It has the sleeves that have the slit opening down them in the center and my left bra strap kept falling down. Plus it was purchased before the abdominal abscess so it was a bit big and hangy because of weight loss. With my Grandma dress shoes I look like a throw-back to the early 1900's. Betty was smarter than the rest of us - she wore pants! The group picture is during installation.
In addition to becoming an officer for our UDC organization, I have the honor of being the Historian for our Daughters of the War of 1812 chapter. (Because my ancestors, on both sides, have been in this country since the 1600's, I'm eligible for just about any lineal organization around. That and a dollar won't buy a cup of coffee any more but it does give me something to do and keeps me from going crazy...maybe.) A couple of pics of that installation are included below. Please note that the purple suit turned up once again! It goes to lots of events. First pic of us with installer Ruth, second without her. We are holding up different spices because we are the spices of the chapter (lol). Ruth handed a different one to each of us as our names were called, with a cute reference of our position to the spice. I received cinnamon - and then forgot to bring it home with me, leaving it on the table in the club room.
Haven't done anything exciting that I recall. Life is full of crooks and turns and I seem to always be taking the wrong ones and hacking people off even when I don't mean to. For that I am truly sorry. Don't know anything to do but to pick my butt up and go on with life and whatever it's going to bring next.
Much love to my children and grandchildren - you are my heart.
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