Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sometimes I get so discouraged and down due to how life is and certain relationships with loved ones who let me know that no matter what I do, my mistakes in life make me unworthy of being a part of their lives. And then I remind myself that it is impossible for me to be anyone other than me - that I just need to be the best me I can be. A very long time ago, I spent close to seven (7) years trying to be or become someone I wasn't. It just doesn't work. This "poster" was on Facebook today and I found it to be encouraging.

WARNING! This is not the happiest of blog posts!

Spent the night sleeping in the front bedroom. Long story, better left untold, has to do with Miss Luci and her difficulties. I learned that the front bedroom is a very bright room and that the sun comes up EARLY. As if that wasn't enough to wake me up, I heard little noises as Mollie and Sally the cats investigated the room throughout the night (we usually keep the door to that room closed). I also worried about bullets coming through the window as the bed is in direct line of that window! I finally got up because two little ones (Luci and Bennie) were in the bedroom begging to be up on the bed.

I've made reservations for a short trip to San Antonio and the hill country. Didn't want to spend big money on hotel in San Antonio so reserved a room at Red Roof Inn -- hope it's not a bed bug place!!! We'll be leaving there and traveling to Fredericksburg to meet up with a bunch of friends/people at the ranch, better known as Country Inn and Cottages. We highly recommend this place to everyone - it's like something out of National Geographic.

Tamara came by today to pick up keys and garage door opener. She's a sweetie. The "kids" were so excited to see her. She and Jason will be coming tomorrow and she'll bring Tink. I think Luci is really going to enjoy playing with Tink. It will be good for her - she needs a playmate!

Other than that, I've cleaned the potties, cleaned out the bathrooms, ran the dust mop, mopped the kitchen, breakfast room, den. I'm about packed, gotta shower and then pass out for a few hours. Hopefully we'll head to SA early in the AM. Ken is driving me nuts about getting ready for this trip, to the point that I'm about to change my mind about going. He is in such a tizzy and he keeps bothering me! Every time I look up he's in my face. My God, I've been traveling all my life. It won't take me long to throw undies, clothes, toiletries, meds, shoes and a sleeping shirt into a bag!! Nothing would do today except I take the time to go to the garage to figure how to fit two mobility scooters into the back of the Beetle. It wasn't hard, but I am so tired of having to be the man in the family. And it is extremely difficult to try to think things out logically when he's so worked up, yelling at me, causing a scene in the front yard, and being a JA. I am sick to death of having to live this way. But had I left it up to him he would have thrown things into the car and ruin a brand new car the same way he did the back part of the Saturn that is now all beat up. It is so difficult to stay sane when one lives in Ken's world.

And today he's been pissy because I've asked him to help around here. So he does things half ass so I have to re-do them. He says to me today, "I always have to pick up your plate off the coffee table." (We eat in the den, have one of those pull up and over tables in there.) After everything else today, that did not sit well. The two things Ken does is put dishes in the dishwasher and take care of the animals. Oh, he also washes the sheets and towels. He doesn't clean counter tops, bathrooms, doesn't see dirt anywhere unless it is pointed out. He also does not contribute to living expenses or anything else. His income barely covers his own expenses and personal medical needs.

I can only hope that he doesn't make this short trip as miserable as every other trip we've been on. I swore after the last trip that I would never go on another one with him.

That's about it, folks. This will be my last post for a while, I think. Maybe next time I'll be a much happier blogger! Play nice while I'm gone and don't pee in the pool!

"God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus." – Max Lucado